Just Like Heaven
by violetkitty
Summary: From the outside I am beautiful; flickering, warm and inviting. Get too close, though, and you will inevitably get burned. OFC and Craig, rated for mild themes of suicide, alcohol, and sex. Em-Se, Ji-Ha, Pa-Sp, Manny's pregnancy
1. In which school begins again

**Just Like Heaven**

**CONTEXT: This story takes place in the middle of season three. It falls just after the events of "Holiday", with the only change being that Ellie never joined PMS for "Rock and Roll High School". Any other discrepancies are purely accidental and I apologize in advance.**

**1**. In which school begins again

_**If they knew how it felt, would they still treat me the way that they do? I know I messed up, messed up bad, and maybe I deserve what I'm getting. I don't know, though. I don't think anyone deserves this.**_

_**No one wants me here. No one cares, not even the guys who call themselves my friends. The friends who thought it was so damn studly to have two girls at once. Even they look at me now like I've got some kind of disease, some plague that could rub off on them and cause their girlfriends to love them less.**_

_**What no one understands is that I hate myself just as much as they hate me. I hate my weakness, my hormones, my temper... and most of all I hate the fact that more and more lately it seems like everything I touch just fades away.**_

_**The other thing that no one seems to believe is that I really loved Ashley. Loved her with all my heart, everything about her was magic. Maybe I was afraid to tell her because I've always so closely connected love with pain. I guess that was a self-fulfilling prophecy.**_

_**I am untouchable.**_

Craig Manning walked through the doors of Degrassi on the first day after holiday recess and it was like a bomb had dropped. A hush fell over the students who happened to be standing in the hall and all eyes fell upon him. Silence followed his every footstep as he made his way as quickly as possible to his locker. The quiet didn't last long, and soon his ears were accosted with the sound of endless whispers. Hunching his shoulders protectively, he grasped his black messenger bag and camera and quickened his step.

Finally he reached his locker, where Spinner, Marco, and Jimmy were all standing. Spinner and Jimmy gave him a half nod and Marco gave him a sympathetic smile.

"Hey Craig." He said, watching as the other boy laid his burdens on the floor by their feet. Craig began to fiddle with the combination of his locker as Jimmy and Spinner continued their conversation.

"Oh man, have you _seen_ the new girl? So cute..." Spinner spoke, gaze growing dreamy. Jimmy rolled his eyes and gave his friend a smack on the arm.

"Paige, Spin. You're dating _Paige_." He told him, emphasizing the last word. Spinner shook his head.

"You just don't get it, Jimmy. It's the Betty and Veronica effect. I love Paige, and think she's the best. But I can't deny that the new girl is pretty. It's like, who would you choose? Betty or Veronica? Betty, of course, she's totally the hottest and way less uptight. But that doesn't mean that you don't think that Veronica is a babe." He finished, and his three friends stared at him in shock.

"I don't know what's worse, the fact that you've thought about this or that it actually kind of makes sense..." Jimmy replied. Craig finally got the door open and turned to his friends.

"New girl?" he asked, recovering his fallen lyric notebook. Spinner grinned.

"You haven't seen her?" he asked, and Craig resumed stuffing things into his locker.

"You'd know if you had. She's got a different look, that's for sure." Marco told him, and Jimmy and Spinner shared a glance.

"What?" Craig asked, already knowing their joke would be about him. They shared another glance and a snicker before turning to him.

"Well, we were thinking..." Jimmy began.

"You should find her and talk to her." Spinner continued.

"You know, before she gets a chance to talk to the other girls." Jimmy explained with a laugh.

"So you might have a chance to have a girlfriend sometime in the next, oh say, three years." Spinner finished, and the two shared a high five as Craig turned quickly and set off down the hall. He could barely hear Marco's voice behind him as he left, calling the two other remaining boys idiots. In truth the whispers and giggles that surrounded him weren't what really got to him. What really killed him was the fact that his closest friends, Spinner and Jimmy, thought it was all some big joke. They found humor in the fact that he was pitied by every guy and hated by every girl.

Craig didn't think any of it was very funny. He finally made his way to his first class of the day, Composition Literature. There he found Hazel already shooting daggers in his direction. He found a seat in the corner by the window, as far away from her prying gaze as possible. It was going to be a long, long day.


	2. In which the new girl makes a friend

**2. **In which the new girl makes a friend

_Here I am, back in this terminally hateful place where all of my past failures are rubbed in my face. While I was gone I thought I was miserable, but now the prospect of returning to this place turns my stomach. Maybe if they knew what being in this place makes me feel, all those old wounds torn open all over again..._

_I suppose it doesn't really matter now. I'm here; ready to begin again in the place I left. Nothing has changed here, not even the season it seems. It was cold when I left and now that I'm back it's cold again._

_I am so lost._

Hillary Thomas pushed her way through the busy halls of Degrassi CS. Here it was, only her first day of school, and already she was completely and totally lost. Beyond that, she was late for class and becoming desperate. She reached into her bag to pull out her map again and stepped on the frayed edge of her pant leg, which sent her flying unceremoniously to the floor. She felt her face color as someone stepped on her hand in a mad dash to make the first bell. She silently cursed the retreating figure as she gathered up the spilled contents of her bag. Ignoring the fact that she was seated in the center of the busy hallway she stopped a moment to consider.

All she would have to do would be to stand up, take her stuff, and walk out the door. Just the thought of it made her smile. A few steps and she was out of this hallway, out of the school filled with the ghosts that none of the other students could see. It would be so simple. Her thoughts were interrupted by someone appearing in her line of sight and a voice echoing in her ear. She turned her large, blue-green eyes upward to see the person who was addressing her.

The person in question was a girl, a tall and pretty girl with closely shorn hair which was even shorter than Hillary's own chin length cut. Her makeup was as dark as her clothes and she had a serious, quiet nature about her. Hillary was immediately curious as to why this girl was talking to her.

"Are you okay?" tall girl asked, offering the still sprawled Hillary a hand up. Hillary looked on a moment as though thinking exceptionally hard before finally grasping the erect girl's hand and pulling herself to her feet.

"Thanks." Hillary finally spoke, stuffing a stray pen and a set of headphones back into her bag. "I thought for a minute there I was going to get trampled by the herd."

"Yeah, the student body here can get pretty beastly. You're new?" tall girl asked, and Hillary smirked.

"Good eye. I was thinking of making up a tee shirt, but I see now that would have been pointless. You can spot me a mile away." She replied, and the other girl laughed out loud.

"Well, I'm Ashley. Maybe I can help with your schedule." She offered. Hillary immediately produced the marked up piece of paper. It was crumpled heavily on one side and it looked as though someone had spilled coffee on it. After glancing at it, Ashley laughed again. "Rough morning?"

"My god, you have NO idea..." Hillary replied, slinging her bag over her shoulder and following as Ashley turned to lead the way.

"Your first class is Crafting Poetry with Ms. Kwan. I'm in it too. If we hurry we can almost get there on time." Ashley explained as they turned down another hallway and into the first open doorway. Ms. Kwan looked at them over her new glasses, offering a silent warning not to make a habit out of being tardy. Ashley smiled in apology and led the way through the sea of desks to the back where Ellie was already sitting.

Hillary was acutely aware of the eyes that followed them to the back of the classroom, and let her messy hair fall into her eyes. It did little to guard her from their gaze, but it helped to allay her mind a little bit. When they finally arrived at their seats Ellie smiled at the newcomer amiably and Hillary felt her stomach settle a little. Maybe this wouldn't be so horrid after all.


	3. In which Craig does some thinking

**3. **In which Craig does some thinking

_**These days music is my only escape. It seems to be the only thing I can still do without screwing things up. Music doesn't care who I slept with or who I lied to or what happened to me growing up. It's always there for me without fail.**_

_**Photography used to be that way too. Since my Dad died, though, I haven't really been able to take pictures of anything. It comes out all wrong, like that part of me broke when he was gone for good.**_

_**I wish music was a woman.**_

Craig slammed the door behind him as he arrived home that afternoon. His prediction was apt; his day had been interminable. He had experienced everything from dirty looks to nasty notes scrawled on his locker. He had even forgotten money for lunch. Now, he was exhausted, hungry, and most of all grumpy. He slung his heavy bag carelessly to the floor and made a beeline to the fridge.

There wasn't really all that much there; some leftover pizza, some cold chicken from last night's dinner, a few sodas. He grabbed it all and headed up the stairs into his closet sized room. He flopped on the bed and ate half a piece of pizza in one bite before reaching over to turn on his stereo. Jim Morrison wailed into his ear, and Craig lay back in satisfaction. The volume was intense, and he hoped that no one came upstairs to complain.

**Before you slip into unconsciousness,  
****I'd like to have another kiss,  
****Another flashing chance at bliss,  
****Another kiss,  
****Another kiss.**

As he let the immortal lyrics of The Doors wash over him his bliss was intruded upon by a heavy banging at his door. He had been right to worry about the noise, as Joey was pounding on the doorframe and demanding quiet.

"Okay, okay, OKAY!" Craig called, swallowing the rest of his pizza and reaching out to lower the volume. Joey was usually okay with loud music, but even he was getting older. Craig sighed deeply.

Something had to change. He felt as though he was living in limbo, as though the walls were closing around him and he was just stuck _nowhere_. It seemed like his life was an endless parade of bad things; both his father's abuse and his death, problems with Joey's dealership, Ashley and Manny, and the frigid social climate at school. He would give anything to be able to act 16, to be a kid again, to be a kid for once. Ignoring the dreary thoughts spinning in his head, Craig rolled his shoulder over and pulled the pillow down over his face, falling into a fitful sleep.


	4. In which Hillary feeds a craving

**4.** In which Hillary feeds a craving

_My brother is about the sweetest thing in the whole wide world. Most older brothers are one of two types:_

_Type one is controlling. They scare off any boy who comes within three feet of you and demand to know where you are at every moment._

_Type two is indifferent. You're lucky if they notice you exist at all. When they DO realize you're a living breathing being, they often treat you like an annoyance._

_Luckily, my brother is neither of those things. He's real family, more or less the only family I have. He treats me like a friend, like an equal._

_He is always there for me. Always._

The day was finally winding down and Hillary was waiting outside patiently for the car that would bring her home. She was sitting up on the concrete wall, drawing on her pink Chuck Taylors with a black sharpie. The hour was approaching four o'clock before the beat up old Cadillac pulled up to the curb and honked its horn. Hillary quickly gathered up her stuff and threw herself into the passenger seat. The driver grinned at her as she shook her head.

"Not only are you late, darling brother, but now you're HONKING at me?" she asked, pulling the hood of the black zip up sweatshirt over her flyaway hair and raising her eyebrows at him. Ryan, her brawny and sandy haired brother turned down the radio, silencing Jim Morrison and allowing for conversation.

"I'm sorry, Hill-Bear. Tough first day?" he asked, and her large eyes grew wider.

"How'd you guess?" she exclaimed, and he reached out a hand to further mess up her hair.

"That sarcasm is going to catch you someday." He told her, and she just grinned at him widely. He laughed at the face she made and then turned the car towards downtown. "Anything I can do to make it better?"

"Cof-fee?" She squeaked hopefully, hands suddenly clasped together in a supplicating pose. Ryan laughed again.

"You got it."

Before long they were seated in The Dot, Hillary nursing a tall black coffee which was mixed with two shots of espresso and a shot of caramel. Ryan was sipping on a large glass of tomato juice and Hillary looked on with disgust. He tipped his glass to her, offering a sip and she shivered at the thought.

"I don't know how you can drink that stuff. It's revolting. Give me good old fashioned caffeine any day." She told him, and he looked at her drink in response.

"Yeah Hill, no thanks. I'd rather not become a raging coffee addict. One in the family is enough." He replied, and they enjoyed a brief silence before he spoke again. "So, was school really that bad?"

"Well..." Hillary began, taking another sip of her drink and considering the question. "I guess not. I made a few friends in poetry. Ashley is this tall, gorgeous Goth girl. She's got this whole über morbidity thing going for her. You should have read the poem she wrote in poetry. Absolutely ghoulish. Ellie's adorable; she looks like she fell into Trivium (1). They both seem pretty cool."

"That's good, Hill." He told her with a nod. His tone was growing progressively less jovial, and as he spoke the reason for this became apparent. "Mom called while you were at school. I guess she and dad haven't figured out the time difference yet."

Hillary suddenly went quiet as she gazed deeply into her cup. Ryan noticed this and wrapped an arm around her shoulders protectively. She sank into his embrace and rolled her eyes.

"Sure, that's it. The time difference. I can bet she really wanted to talk to me. What is it this month? Milan? Hong Kong? Santiago?" she asked bitterly, swirling the coffee remaining in her cup. Ryan gave her a reassuring squeeze but said nothing. There was nothing to say.

(1) Trivium is the Canadian equivalent of Hot Topic. They sell the kinds of clothes that Ellie wears (knee high boots, kilts, legwarmers, spikes).


	5. In which the boys formulate a plan

**5.** In which the boys formulate a plan

_**TGIF.**_

Thursday came and went much as Wednesday had, and by Friday Craig was silently praising whoever had made the decision to start their first week after break in the middle. As the afternoon rolled around he found himself in study hall, pretending to read the book in front of him as Jimmy and Spinner talked endlessly next to him. He thought he was doing a pretty good job pretending when his thoughts were interrupted by the sudden realization that the two others were staring at him. He lowered his book and turned to them.

"What?" he asked, and the two rolled their eyes.

"You see, Spin? I told you he wasn't listening." Jimmy told Spinner before turning back to Craig. "We were wondering if you were coming out with us tonight. We're going to Club Insomnia."

Craig shook his head as he placed his book on the table and pushed it away. Spinner sighed in exasperation, wrapping an arm around the taller boy's shoulders. Craig pulled away, confused.

"C'mon, dude. We were just kidding the other day. You've got to get out there and meet some new people; you're nothing but a downer these days." He spoke, and Craig scoffed aloud.

"Oh jeez, _sorry_ I haven't been a big ray of sunshine lately..." he spat, and his friends looked at him with concern.

"Calm down, Craig. Spinner's right. You need to chill a little, go out and have some fun. Come to Insomnia with us. You'll have a good time, I swear." He promised, and Craig finally gave a reluctant nod.

"Yeah, fine. Whatever." He spoke, retrieving his book and again burying his face in it. Jimmy and Spinner both patted him on the back before resuming their paper football game.


	6. In which the girls attempt vague convers...

**6. **In which the girls attempt vague conversation

_Hallelujah. Friday, I adore you._

On Friday afternoon Hillary was in her usual spot on the concrete wall. That day, however, she had some new companions. Both Ellie and Ashley were seated on her right, and together they watched the other students file out of the building. Ellie and Ashley were engaged in a conversation that Hillary was loosely following. In the past two days of classes the three had grown into an easy friendship. Things were still a little awkward because the relationship was so new, but Hillary's brand of dry sarcasm fit well into the humor of the other two and they enjoyed their time together. Still, Hillary found that much of the time she didn't have the slightest idea what they were talking about.

"I can't even _believe_ he thought that line about being sorry would work on me. He's such a twit." Ashley cried, and Ellie nodded a little in sympathy. Hillary vaguely wondered if she should perhaps interject, ask for a complete re-hashing of what was obviously an emotional story. In the end her sensibility won out, and she kept quiet rather than opening what seemed like a painful wound. "Whatever. I am so over him."

"I'm so proud of you Ash." Ellie said, then paused for a moment. "To celebrate, you think we could go over to Insomnia tonight?"

Ashley cocked an eyebrow and laughed.

"Us? Celebrate? At Club Insomnia? Eleanor Nash, explain to me when pod people took over Degrassi..." she replied between fits of laughter. Ellie shrugged.

"Well... the truth is my friend Blane is spinning there tonight. It's his first time ever spinning in public and I promised him I'd be there. But I don't want to go alone. I know it's not your scene, lord knows it isn't mine... pleaaaase, Ash?" she whined, grasping the other girl's arm. Ashley sighed as she threw her eyes to the sky in defeat.

"Yeah, yeah. Okay." She finally conceded, turning to Hillary who was busy drawing on her notebook. "You want to come, Hillary?"

Hillary was taken aback at first. These girls had only known her for three days and were already inviting her to go out. She wondered which god she had fallen into favor with to be making friends so quickly.

"Yeah, sure. Sounds interesting." Hillary told them, and the other two smiled. Ashley's joy was short lived as a sudden thought struck her.

"Elle, what if _HE_ is there?" she asked, looking over at the redhead in a panic. Ellie took her hand in an attempt to bring her back down out of the emotional rafters.

"Honey, he won't be. Have you seen him lately? He's acting like one big doomsday warning. The last thing he's going to do is go to Club Insomnia." She soothed, and Ashley slowly allowed herself to be calmed. Hillary looked on in confusion.

"He?" she whispered to Ellie. Ellie leaned over.

"Her ex. He cheated on her before break with Manny Santos, then tried to date them both at the same time." She explained. Hillary's jaw dropped.

"Ashley, that's horrible! What a JERK..." she cried, and Ashley smiled silently in thanks of the support.

"It doesn't matter. Like I said, I'm over it." She told the other two, and then smiled wider as though to prove the point. "So Hill, we'll pick you up early, like 6. You can come over to my place and get ready. Sound good?"

"Um..." Hillary stammered. "Uh, yeah. Six is fine, but I can get a ride over. I live pretty far out of the way."

Both Ashley and Ellie nodded, and Hillary sighed deeply with relief. She liked the way things were progressing, and she liked having what seemed like real friends again... but she wasn't quite ready for them to see where she lived yet. As if to emphasize her point, her brother pulled up then and grinned at her through the open passenger side window.

"Hey Hill-bear. You ready?" he asked, and Ashley and Ellie shared a glance. Hillary laughed as she gathered up her things and launched herself to the ground.

"I know guys. My brother is a babe, right?" she spoke, and the two girls remaining on the wall colored slightly. Hillary laughed again as she took off down the walkway, waving a little as she went. "See you guys tonight."

They both nodded in unison, watching as she opened the back seat and threw her stuff in. As she crawled into the front seat Ryan leaned over the steering wheel to catch their eye. He smiled charmingly and threw them a wink.

"Ladies..." he called out as a kind of goodbye before peeling away from the curb and into traffic. Ellie and Ashley shared another look before laughing at themselves.


	7. In which preparations are made

**7. **In which preparations are made

_**I've been thinking a lot lately about the direction my life is going. It's mostly my fault, I knew that much all along... but what if, what if maybe I'm right in the middle of some awful unlucky spell and it's not ALL my fault. Maybe it's written in the stars somewhere that I have to be miserable before I get the chance to be really, really happy.**_

_Somehow I really thought that being back here would be a lot worse than this. All the memories built up inside my head, spilling out into my stomach and making me fear anything and everything to do with this place. I'm starting to think that maybe it isn't this place I hate so much. Maybe it's just all the bad things that happened to me, the ones I need to find some way to forget._

_**It's days like this that I wish she was still around.**_

_It's days like this that I miss him the most._

_**I've decided that it's time I stopped feeling sorry for myself. It's time for me to go out and find something good, something for me. And I'm promising myself that whatever I find tonight, I won't ruin. Not this time.**_

_It's so hard to change, so hard to forget the past. But I need to try. I don't belong in that god awful boarding school, the place I spent the last three years of my life. I certainly don't belong here. Yet. Maybe this is it, the place I was meant to really call home. Either way, I'm determined to find that place. Home._

Craig stood before the mirror in Joey's big bathroom. He finished buttoning his jeans and looked up at himself, examining his bare torso and freshly shaven face. He had done well, only nicked himself once and already it was finished bleeding. He really didn't have much to take off in the way of facial hair, but just the act of it made him feel more attractive. He ran his fingers through his loose brown curls and allowed them to fall where they wished, giving him a damp halo. When he was dry from the shower his curls would be shiny and long, as it had been over a month since his last trim.

Satisfied with what he saw he reached out and pulled his black tee shirt over his head carefully and grabbed a few drops of Joey's cologne before flipping off the light and heading down the stairs. When he reached the bottom he found Jimmy and Spinner sitting on his couch playing a video game and Angela showing Marco a picture she had drawn. When he appeared she launched herself across the room and happily into his arms. He grinned at her and tickled her mercilessly before setting her down and moving over to put on his shoes. She giggled and plopped down on the stair next to him. Jimmy and Spinner looked up from their game.

"Dude, you're in a pretty good mood." Spinner said.

"Yeah man, I haven't seen you like this in weeks." Jimmy added before quickly returning his attention to the game he was now losing. Craig shrugged.

"You guys get mad at me for being in a bad mood, and now that I'm in a great mood you're still complaining!" he cried, with a teasing in his voice they had all missed. Marco smiled at him.

"It's just good to have you back, Craig, that's all." He told him, watching as Craig gathered up his house keys and a small box of mints which he slipped into his pocket. Angela giggled again and Craig turned to her.

"What are you laughing at, Munchkin?" he asked, tickling her again.

"You smell like daddy!" she cried out breathlessly, and Craig immediately stopped tickling her. He turned his gaze to Spinner, Jimmy, and Marco who were all seated on the couch. They had stopped playing the game and looked at him now.

"Dude, that's really weird." Spinner told him, and the four started laughing hysterically. After a moment tears were running down their faces and Jimmy had slid off the couch and onto the floor. Joey entered then, responding to the loud noise.

"What's so funny you guys?" he asked, wiping his hands on a dish towel. The four slowly stopped laughing and prepared to vacate the room.

"Nothing Joey. We're going to head out." Craig replied, picking his leather jacket up off the rack and slipping it over his slender shoulders.

"Okay, you guys have fun. And be careful. Craig, I don't want you coming home TOO late, understand?" he called after them, watching as Craig filed out the door behind Marco and Spinner.

"Back before the sun rises, got it Joey!" he called after his shoulder, already in a race with Spinner for shotgun in Jimmy's car. Joey watched as Craig and his friends departed, feeling a lightness in his heart he hadn't felt in some time. He hoped it meant something good was going to happen.

* * *

At 6 o'clock exactly Ryan's Cadillac pulled up in front of the Kerwin residence. Hillary grabbed her bag and kissed her brother's cheek before bounding up the stone walkway. She turned to wave as he pulled away into the chilly twilight before turning and locating the doorbell. She rang once and was about to press the button again when the door swung open to reveal a short boy with thick glasses. He stared at her for a moment before turning and walking away, leaving the door open.

"Just great, Ash has a new freaky friend." She heard him mutter as he shuffled back into the kitchen where Hillary could hear the voice of another adolescent male. She watched him go with a mix of confusion and annoyance as she stepped into the hallway and closed the door behind her. She was just slipping off her chucks and lining them up next to the twin pairs of black boots when she heard Ashley's voice calling down the stairs.

"Hill, is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me." Hillary called back, retrieving her bag and beginning to climb the stairs. When she reached the top she turned left and wandered into Ashley's recently painted room. She could still smell the paint and saw where some of the black had dripped and stained the carpet. Hillary looked around for a moment before turning her attention to Ellie and Ashley who sat in front of Ashley's sharpie marked mirror, black eyeliner in hand. HIM poured out of the stereo at top volume and Hillary smiled at how much she loved their Finnish metal love songs.

Ellie used her hand to indicate that Hillary should take a place in front of the mirror. Hillary did as she was told, dropping her things near the door and crossing to sit beside them. She watched as Ashley carefully lined her eyes with a thick black line, attaching a tiny curl at each corner to give herself cat eyes. She then handed the stick off to Ellie who did the same but left off the cat marks. The stick was then passed to Hillary who gave her own wide eyes a thin rim of black before passing it back down the line.

"That's a... uh... strange doorman you've got there." Hillary said, shaking her head at the offer of a tube of dark lipstick that had already made its way down the line.

"Doorman?" Ashley asked, rubbing her lips together and reaching for mascara. "Oh, you must mean Toby. He's my half brother, and kind of a creep. He and JT are doing some sort of stupid zombie movie marathon tonight."

Hillary silently thought how that actually sounded really fun and added a hint of blush and a light gloss on her lips. When they had finished Ellie's makeup was the darkest, Hillary's the lightest. Hillary sprayed herself lightly with a lily of the valley scented perfume and Ashley wound a thick leather bracelet around her wrist. Once Ellie had retrieved her borrowed earring from under Ashley's bed the three were ready to go. The night was beckoning.


	8. In which Hillary finds unexpected allies

**8.** In which Hillary finds unexpected allies

_Of all the things that ever happened, the things that made me think "what if"..._

_This one blows them all away._

Hillary was the last one out of Mrs. Kerwin's car. She slammed the door behind her and joined Ellie and Ashley on the sidewalk. All three waved as Mrs. Kerwin's vehicle rounded the corner out of sight. As soon as it was gone they began walking towards the club. Ashley had insisted on having them dropped off a block from the place; there would have been nothing worse than being dropped off by your mother's station wagon.

After a minute or two they arrived in front of the club, whose front was already swimming with Degrassi's best and brightest. Several people looked at the three girls with mild interest but no one said anything as they made their way into the club. They passed the entranceway and were assaulted by pounding bass and flashing strobes. All three girls lifted a hand to their eyes and Hillary put a hand to her chest to enjoy the beat reverberating there. She was suddenly at ease. Something about this place made her feel comfortable; it was a place she was used to at least. She didn't say as much to the other girls, just followed as they made their way up to the DJ booth.

Behind the turntable was a tall boy with light, red tipped hair. His ears were gauged and a hoop pierced his lip. He looked at least 18. Ellie smiled up at him, and he handed his headphones off before swinging himself under the barrier and enveloping her in a hug. He tugged one of her braids playfully.

"Elle-Belle, I'm so happy you made it. And you brought friends." He spoke, in a smooth mellow voice as he indicated the two others watching with interest.

"Yes, Blane. These are my friends, Ashley and Hillary." Ellie replied, motioning to each as she spoke their names. Both smiled shyly and this caused Blane to laugh.

"Rockin'. I've got to get back to the booth. Come back later and you guys can come up and hang out." He told them, slipping back up and retrieving his headphones. When he was gone Ashley grabbed Ellie by the arm and pulled her away towards the couches.

"Eleanor, WHO was THAT?" she cried, and Ellie laughed.

"I met him at the TV station. He used to work for Caitlin, doing the job I do now a few years ago." She explained, and Ashley shook her head.

"Keeping secrets isn't nice, Ellie." She teased, and Ellie just shrugged. Hillary coughed a little.

"Hey, I'm going to go get a drink. You guys want anything?" she asked, moving toward the juice bar. Both shook their heads as they found a couch to sit on. Hillary took off then toward the bar, ordering a bottle of water and pushing herself up onto the stool. She was waiting for her water and spinning around on her stool when a tall, thin blonde girl appeared next to her. Hillary stopped spinning to look at her for a moment.

She was thin as a rail, but looked as though she had come by it naturally. Her hair was long and blonde, curling a little around her shoulders. Silver earrings hung down long, and she wore a pale turquoise tank top and black pants which accentuated her slender self. She ordered two waters and took a stool while smiling at Hillary. Hillary returned her smile as the bartender produced her water. She took a sip before turning her stool to face the blonde.

"I like your tank top." She spoke, and the blonde smiled.

"Thanks. I like your tee shirt." The other girl replied, and Hillary gazed down at the green and yellow "YMCA" tee shirt she had found in a thrift store. She smiled in response and there was a brief pause before the blonde spoke again. "I'm Emma."

"Hillary." She replied, holding out her hand. "The new girl."

Emma laughed as she shook Hillary's hand and the bartender appeared with her waters. She took a sip from one and tucked the other under her arm. Emma looked around Hillary for a moment.

"You here all by yourself?" she asked, and Hillary shook her head.

"Nah, I'm with a few friends." She replied, motioning over to where Ellie and Ashley had been sitting. The couch was vacant and Hillary looked confused. "Well, I was here with friends."

Emma looked confused as well, but her attention was drawn in a completely different direction. Hillary followed her line of sight, and quickly found where her friends had gone. Over across the room, in the dead center of the dance floor stood Ashley and Ellie. They were surrounded by a circle of people who had stopped dancing to watch the action. Ashley stood opposite a small, tan, dark haired girl. Between them was a tall boy with dark curly hair who had his hands in the air.

"Manny, what are you _doing_??" Hillary heard Emma mutter as she grabbed her water and made her way through the sea of people. Hillary grabbed her own water and followed closely. By the time they reached the group the debate was already growing more heated.

"He wouldn't have HAD to sleep with me if you weren't such a prude!" the darker girl cried, and Ashley's face got a little redder. Hillary didn't know if it was embarrassment or rage. Ashley went to take a step forward and Ellie pulled her back. Hillary could see that Emma had taken a place behind the other girl, whom she thought was likely the infamous Manny Santos.

"Manny, c'mon. Don't say stuff like that." The boy standing between them spoke up, and the girls both glared at him. Hillary froze at the sound of his voice. There was something infinitely familiar about it, something soothing a calming and wonderful about it. It was a part of her past, one of the few truly happy parts. In an instant she knew that nothing would be the same.


	9. In which everything changes

**9.** In which everything changes

_**If things are like they say, you can't anticipate change. I thought I could, and in a way I did. I knew something would happen tonight.**_

_**But exactly what happened blindsided me completely.**_

Craig didn't even know how he'd gotten himself into it. He'd just been dancing, dancing with a pretty girl; blonde and leggy girl with pretty green eyes. Suddenly Manny was at his side dancing provocatively, and the next thing he knew Ashley was there and the blonde was gone. His friends were nowhere in sight and a circle of people had closed around them as the two girls started to argue. Things were getting ugly when he finally spoke up.

"Manny, c'mon. Don't say stuff like that." He spoke, and both girls turned to him.

"Don't you dare defend me, Craig Manning! You're scum! Worse than that, you're nothing!" Ashley cried, mascara streaking a little in the corners of her eyes where tears were appearing. He felt his heart tighten in his chest. Even despite her harsh words, he still hated to see her upset.

"Ash, please..." he began, and Manny cut him off.

"Not so much of a stud now, huh Craig? Now that everyone knows what a loser you are??" Manny added wildly, and Emma laid a hand on her arm as if to calm her. Finally, Craig had had enough.

"FINE! You girls have your stupid catfight. I'm done. I'm out of here!" he declared, barely stopping at the coat check to retrieve his jacket before storming out the door. He stepped out onto the sidewalk and ignored the night chill, slipping his jacket under his arm and starting down the sidewalk. He could hear a voice behind him calling his name, but couldn't care less about who was following after him. He continued for about a block before a light snow began to fall. He could still hear the person behind him, and after a moment they called out his name again. He turned abruptly and froze in the middle of the sidewalk, frustration dripped from his pose.

"WHAT?!" he cried.The figure who had been following froze as well, standing still and silent under the flood of light pouring from the street lamp overhead. He paused for a moment, and leaned a little closer for a better look. Suddenly it dawned on him and he gasped a little as his heart dropped into his stomach.

He could scarcely recognize her. Gone was her long, shiny, lemonade colored hair. In its place was a short, dark bob that she had styled to stick up in the back. Her polo shirts and short skirts were replaced by loose fitting jeans and a thrift store tee shirt. She didn't even look like the same person... but for her eyes. He would know those eyes anywhere.

They were a shade trapped somewhere between blue and green, impossibly large and endlessly compassionate. They were always talking, even when she was silent. Mostly they looked as if they guarded a secret, teasingly declaring 'I know something you don't know'.

Except for those eyes she was a completely different person. She noticed him staring at her and her cheeks colored as she turned to walk back to the club. Craig felt his apprehension slide away as he ran forward and took hold of her elbow. She turned to face him. Her eyes were hopeful.

"Hillary, what are you doing here?" he asked. She was initially silent, gazing at the ground as she shifted her stance and watched the snow and ice crunching under her sneakers.

"I... I... um..." she stammered, but before she could get the words out he had already drawn her into a tight embrace. She gasped audibly, but gradually he could feel her shoulders begin to relax. He smiled to himself over her head. This was certainly something.


	10. In which everything stays the same

**10.** In which everything stays the same

_Maybe it would have been better if I hadn't followed him. Maybe he would have finally moved on, moved on for real if I had just let him go. But those deep, warm brown eyes of his... he was hurting, and even though it had been years since I had seen him I still knew that look he sometimes got when he was suffering._

_And when you really care about someone you don't just let them wander off into a snow storm._

The snow was sticking to Hillary's lashes and making it hard to see when Craig pulled her into a tight hug. She thought she would pass out from the much anticipated contact, but forced herself to remain calm and composed by listening to his heart beat through his tee shirt. He had grown much taller since she had last seen him, and somehow (though she didn't understand how it was possible) his eyes had grown sadder. After a moment's embrace she pulled back, and he reached out to brush a piece of hair out of her eyes. She flinched involuntarily and his shoulders fell a little.

"Yeah, sorry. Didn't mean to freak you out, Hill. I just missed you, that's all." He explained, and she nodded slowly.

"Yeah..." she trailed off, wanting to say that she had missed him too. She had missed him more than anything. But she couldn't say it; it would only make things worse for both of them. Shaking herself free of that unwanted desire she attempted a small smile. "So, uh... how have you been?"

Her manner was one of forced ease, and Craig just stared at her. Just below his surface she could tell he was angry with her. She didn't blame him, the way things had happened hadn't been ideal for either of them. At least she had seen it coming, in a way.

"Hillary..." he began, but she cut him off.

"Look Craig, I just wanted to make sure you were okay." She told him, but she could tell he wasn't really listening. The shock of it all was still too fresh.

"How long have you been back?" he asked, and her eyes again fell to her shoes.

"Three weeks." She replied, voice barely audible over the purring of a car engine as it sped past.

"Three weeks." He repeated, as if he couldn't believe it. He paused a moment before he reached out a hand to tilt up her chin and force a visual connection between them. She could barely breathe and felt her knees getting weaker. As he spoke his voice cracked a little. "I've waited three years to ask you this, Hillary. Just tell me why. Tell me why you left, why you didn't say goodbye, why you couldn't take the time in three years to pick up the phone or a pen and contact me."

"Craig..." she began, uncomfortable with the question and the anger brimming just below his surface.

"Why!??" he screamed, and Hillary fell back onto her heels. She took another cautious step away before he put a hand on each of her shoulders to steady her. His words dropped suddenly to a whisper as he leaned forward. "Just tell me why."

"Craig, please. I haven't seen you in three years; let's not bring up old drama. Tonight's not the night to open wounds." She told him, and he stared at her for a moment longer before turning and beginning an angry walk down the sidewalk. Hillary stood for a moment, dumbstruck, before finally shaking herself and starting down the sidewalk after him. "Craig! Wait..."

She could tell he only turned because of the pleading in her voice. He stood and waited, as if daring her to speak again. She only stared at him through thick wet lashes, silently willing him to say something, say anything to make it better. They stared at each other for a long moment before Craig's shoulders dropped and he began to walk back. Hillary didn't really understand it. Every time she looked at him, he would always come back.

**A/N: To my commenters...**

**pinkpixie423 - Nope, not a Craig/Manny story persay, though Manny isn't the villian like she is in most fics. I don't really see her as just being a "slut" as is the common belief. She will play a bigger role in later chapters.**

**MannyRocks24 - Thanks for the comment. Thank you to you both, I was beginning to think my fic was diseased or something.**

**Please, everyone... comment. Comments make me go skipping across the Quad at nighttime.**


	11. In which Craig and Hillary find common g...

**11.** In which Craig and Hillary find common ground

**_Maybe I am a sucker. Maybe I should have just walked away, gave her a taste of her own medicine. Maybe then my life would have gone back to normal._**

**_But all these maybes are just ridiculous. I could never walk away from her..._**

**_The eyes get me every time._**

Craig could feel his anger and frustration lessening as he walked back towards her. When he reached her she was staring at him, finally meeting his gaze voluntarily. It was his turn to look away. If he were to stare too long into those eyes he would fall forever. It wouldn't be the first time. Without a sound he took a seat on a stair under a nearby alcove, and watched as she followed closely and took a seat by his side. She drew her knees up to her chest and they sat together in silence before Craig finally turned to her again.

"So where do you go to school now?" he asked.

"Degrassi." She replied, chewing on the frayed edge of her sleeve and waiting for him to react.

"Me too." He spoke, not even questioning why they hadn't at least met in passing in the hall. That was just his luck.

"I gathered that from the Ashley-Manny drama." She told him, and he turned quickly to face her.

"You heard about that already? The guys were right..." he trailed off. She cocked an eyebrow and smiled a little.

"The guys?" she asked, but knew he wasn't going to explain further. "Ashley and Ellie told me all about it. You've got quite a reputation."

"You're friends with Ashley. Wonderful." He spoke, standing up and moving away to kick at a pile of snow that had formed. Hillary shrugged.

"Yeah, I guess. She's not your biggest fan, but you probably know that already. I would never have guessed when she told me the story of you and Manny that you were... you. I mean, it just didn't sound like you at all." She told him, and he felt his anger returning a little.

"Hillary, I don't need this from you too, I get enough of it at school. Besides, I've grown to wonder since you left how well we really knew each other." He spat back, and he could tell he had hurt her. Sighing in defeat, he rejoined her on the stoop. Together they made the unspoken agreement to avoid that topic for a while.

"So how are things with your dad?" She asked, diving right into another potentially argumentative subject.

"He's dead. Car accident." He told her simply, and she nodded.

"Good." She replied with equal simplicity, and Craig didn't say anything. He had known her reaction would be something along these lines. She had never forgiven Albert Manning for the pain inflicted on him. Craig wondered at what her anger would be if she knew how bad things got during the three years she was gone.

"So how about you? Things still 'dysfunction city' with the 'rents?" he asked, and she shrugged mildly in response.

"You know how it is with them. Nothing ever changes." She replied, and Craig could hear the tinge of sadness in her voice. Without thinking he extended an arm and gave her shoulders a comforting squeeze. To his surprise she allowed this contact, smiling a little as she gazed up into the falling snow. The sound of approaching footsteps echoed in the silence that followed and the two turned their attention down the street. A rather frigid looking Marco was hurrying down the sidewalk in search of his friend. When he spotted the two on the steps his face lit up with relief.

"Craig man! I didn't even see you leave; I was worried when I couldn't find you. Jimmy and Spinner went to get the car. They're ready to go." He told the other boy, smiling at the situation he had just walked into. Craig stood unsteadily, offering Hillary a hand up. Craig motioned to Marco.

"Hillary, this is my good friend Marco. Marco, this is my old friend Hillary. She's your 'new girl'." Craig spoke, and looked up to where Hillary was now visibly shaking from the cold night air. Without a second thought he slipped the leather jacket in his arms over her shoulders. They shared a long glance before Marco cleared his throat. Craig shook his mind free of his unwanted thoughts and gestured towards the club. "You want us to walk you back?"

"No, I think I know the way. I should get going, Ashley will wonder where I've gone to. That is, if she's even still there." Hillary replied, pulling Craig's jacket down around her. Marco looked quickly to Craig.

"Do you need a ride home? There's room in our car…" he trailed off, and Hillary shook her head.

"Thanks, but no. I can't just leave without trying to find Ashley. I don't think she'd appreciate that." she replied, and both of the boys nodded.

"So, I'll see you in school on Monday?" Craig asked, and Hillary nodded a little. With a half smile she turned then and began her walk back through the now drifting snow toward the lights and beat of the dance club. Craig watched her go before turning back to Marco, who smiled broadly and shook his head in disbelief. Craig was in big trouble.


	12. In which Hillary remembers

**12.** In which Hillary remembers

_I never wanted any of this to happen. In the middle of the seventh grade I left Degrassi and all my friends behind because I had to. I cut Craig out of my life because it was the right thing to do. I stayed away because they made me, and came back because I had to. None of this was what I wanted, nothing turned out the way I had hoped._

_And I learned to accept that. I learned a lot of bad clichés are actually pretty applicable. I discovered that if I want to live my life I have to be strong and independent._

_But what I didn't learn was how to control my heart. I didn't figure out how to outrun the past, or how to erase all the scars. Even after everything I've learned, I've still got so much left to discover._

When Hillary arrived back at Insomnia she initially had a tough time finding Ashley and Ellie. The first person she spotted was Emma, who was dancing near an attractive boy with dark skin and a set of headphones around his neck. She was moving in to ask for Emma's help when a hand closed around her elbow and yanked her back. Ashley and Ellie stood behind her, looking frazzled. Ashley's makeup was smudged all over and Ellie had all of their coats under her arm.

"Hey Hill, I called my mom and she's outside waiting to take us home. We were looking everywhere for you..." Ashley began, slowly trailing off as she stared at Hillary with increasing interest. Finally both girls were gaping at her and Hillary looked down in confusion. There she found Craig's leather jacket folded over her slim shoulders and she gasped aloud.

"Oh, shit! I forgot to give him back his jacket!" she cried, and the two other girls shared a glance but held their tongues as they turned and lead the way back out into the blistering cold. Mrs. Kerwin was parked right out front this time, and they all piled in quickly. At first a tired looking Mrs. Kerwin inquired about the night but soon realized no one was interested in a recount and let the subject drop. The car fell into silence as they were all lulled into a warm, radiator induced thoughtfulness.

In the back seat Hillary sat with her forehead pressed to the cool window as she traced shapes onto the icy glass and watched the buildings pass by at speed. Her thoughts traveled back in time to that first spring after she had left Degrassi.

**"Hon, he's going crazy." Paige's voice told her through the telephone receiver. Hillary cringed at the ferocity of the statement. Shaking her head, she lay back onto the floor clutching a large pile of letters to her chest with her free hand.**

**"How do you know, Paige? You've never even met him." Hillary argued, rolling on her stomach and pulling a letter from its envelope casing. She could hear her friend sigh deeply.**

**"I know people at St. Taylors, Hill. My friend Amy goes there and says that he just mopes around all day long. She says he barely goes to class, he's smoking again..." Paige rambled, and Hillary finally interrupted her.**

**"Trust me, Craig's better off in the long run. I'm just going to bring him heartache. I'm like one big flesh eating disease." Hillary trailed off, and Paige scoffed. Hillary could practically imagine the face that she was making and in spite of the serious situation of the moment she smiled a little.**

**"First of all, hon... eww. Second of all, you can't make that choice for him. From what I can tell he loves you..."**

**"Love? Paige, Jake loved me too. Look where that got him." Hillary cried, emotion crashing instantly over her voice. Paige's anger built instantly.**

**"Hillary, Jake may have loved you... but he obviously didn't care about you. No one who cares about someone else can do what he did to you. No one. And it wasn't your fault, you've got to stop beating yourself up about it! Hillary, there was no way you could have known..." she replied, and Hillary's fingers crushed the letter under her hand.**

**"Don't say it, Paige. Please..." Hillary interrupted, and Paige took a moment to calm herself down.**

**"All right, okay. Look hon, I've got to go. But remember what I said. I mean it." Paige told her, and Hillary nodded. "Everyone here misses you, Hill. You should give them a call sometime. I'll call you tomorrow. Love ya."**

**"Love ya." Hillary repeated, and then listened for the dial tone before laying the receiver in its cradle. It was then she looked down at the letter crumpled under her hand and felt her heart drop into her stomach. Quickly she straightened out the paper, unfolding the edges to remove the crease she had made. Once the repairs were made she read over the words on the paper.**

**_I miss you. I love you. I'm sorry. Come back. Please. Come home. I love you._**

**It was the same in each letter. Each one was an emotional cross-section, a piece of Craig's soul poured out onto paper with a pen. Hillary knew he loved her. And she loved him more than she'd ever thought it was possible to love anyone. That was why she had left him. That was why she stayed away. That was how much she loved him.**

Slowly Hillary faded out of her memories and back into the warmth and darkness of the car. It was then that she noticed Ashley staring at her in the rearview mirror. She had a look on her face Hillary had never seen. It was strange, but it seemed to be a cross between confusion and anger. When she saw Hillary had noticed her stare she looked away nonchalantly. Hillary stared at the now inattentive girl for a moment longer. She wondered for a moment what the look meant, but imagined she would probably find out a lot sooner than she wanted.


	13. In which Craig remembers

**13. **In which Craig remembers

_**It's funny how some of us keep the past moments of ourselves. We collect mementos as though having these bits of our lives could somehow magically transport us through time to a place where things were happier.**_

_**I'm not really one of those people. My life has not been filled with enough happy moments for me to want to collect anything as a reminder. I certainly wouldn't want to go back.**_

_**Except for that box, I had let everything go.**_

The guys had dropped Craig off at home a little after ten. Joey was surprised to find him home so early, and was sitting on the couch with Snake watching some concert on Much Music. Craig smiled at the two before going up to his room and sitting silently on the bed.

He still could not grasp the idea that she was back. She had been gone for so long, he had wished so often that she would come home that he almost began to think that maybe it was all just a dream. She had changed so much; he didn't wonder why none of her old friends at Degrassi recognized her. He had barely recognized her.

But he knew. In the end, really, he had always known that she would be back someday. But now that she was home, living at a distance that Craig could easily travel... he didn't know what to do. Reaching under his bed, he pulled out a small, worn shoebox. Gathering his legs under him, he sat up on the bed and removed the box top. He emptied the contents one by one.

On top was a stack of photos he had taken; Hillary in the park, in the record store, self-shots of them sharing a kiss. He paused to examine a photo booth strip that was his favorite. He looked so confused in the first frame, and she was laughing at him. In the second frame he had tickled her for laughing at him and they were both doubled over leaving only the tops of their heads in frame. By the third they were both smiling broadly and in the fourth they were kissing. He had looked at this strip a thousand times, retold the story of that day over and over.

The rest of the box contained obscure things. A ticket stub from their first date, a hair tie she had worn every day, an old mix tape filled with The Cure and David Bowie. All those tiny pieces of their brief time as a couple filled the box to the top. Almost as if he had known at the time it could not last, he had collected every little thing and saved it. At the bottom of the box he found an unsent letter and considered for an instant throwing it away. It was his last and saddest memory of her. Holding the thing in his hand then he remembered the tumultuous emotions he had experienced that day.

**Craig stood on the doorstep of the Thomas' house. It wasn't Hillary's house anymore, not since she had disappeared from his life. She and her parents had moved from the house next to Craig's to the new house on the other side of Toronto at the beginning of the year, just before he and Hillary had started dating. **

**It seemed that as soon as she had moved to that house the problems that already existed between Hillary and her parents intensified ten-fold. He knew how tough her summer had been, but her behavior of late was growing increasingly alarming and even Craig was beginning to fear for her safety.**

**But to send her away... he didn't understand their logic, didn't understand why she hadn't said anything to him. He knew that Paige, her best friend at her new school had known she was leaving. In fact, Paige had her phone number but refused to give it to him at her request.**

**And that was what hurt him the most. Not that she had left, not even that she didn't say goodbye. It was the fact that she didn't want to see him, the fact that he loved her so much. She had claimed to love him just as much, but here she was pretending like he didn't exist. She didn't even have the decency to call him and break up with him.**

**But he loved her still. Somehow, he still cared. The past few weeks since she had been sent to school in France had passed in a flurry of letters. He had no idea if she got them; he was sending them to Paige in hopes that she might pass them on to Hillary's new address. Day after day, he wrote his heart out on a sheet of paper and encased it in a paper coffin. And yet day after day there was no response.**

**That day Craig had decided to write a final letter to her. He was hurting and missed her still; things seemed to only go from bad to worse at his own house. But he was through pining for a lost cause. He had poured all of his final feelings, all of his epic goodbyes into that last letter.**

**But now, standing in the vaulted doorway of his former love's home, he began to regret both his decision to write the letter and to deliver it directly to her parents. He inhaled deeply from the cigarette pressed to his lips. She hated when he smoked. His hand was shaking, and as the door finally swung open he hastily dropped the burning stick to the ground and crushed it out with the toe of his black creeper.**

**He half expected to be greeted by her mother. The other half of him expected to find Hillary herself standing at the door, her entire disappearance from his life a cruel hoax. What he didn't expect was a harried housekeeper to be staring at him with mild confusion. He tried to look behind the large Mexican woman blocking his view.**

**"La Señora está en Caracas." She told him. And his face contorted as he tried to remember any Spanish he had learned in school. He gathered that she was talking about Hillary's mother, who was always away somewhere.**

**"Lo siento, no hablo Español." He replied, and the woman shrugged. She shut the door and he stood for a moment staring at the now closed doorway. Slowly, mournfully, he began to make his way back down the street. He decided his dejection was his own fault as he walked towards home. Honestly, what had he expected would happen? That she would be there, that he would convince her to run away with him to somewhere exotic? Was he expecting happily ever after?**

That was the day a part of Craig died. He tucked the letter into that box, and tried to forget. For a while he had himself convinced that he had forgotten. But since he had seen her again, for the first time in three years... The part that died was reborn, resurrected and revived. He couldn't wait to see what the morning would bring.


	14. In which late night whispers are heard

**14. **In which late night whispers are heard

_An unexpected reunion is all it took to send my life into a crazed frenzy. I guess I should have seen all this coming. But then again, I'm no psychic..._

Hillary was curled under an itchy afghan on Ashley's floor. Ellie lay nearby, snoring quietly. She tried to lay still and go to sleep, but the carpet was old and hard and the full moon was shining brightly in her eyes. She liked watching the moon but preferred to sleep in the darkness. She began to wish she had allowed her brother to pick her up after the club. She was never one for sleepovers, and this one had already taken a turn for the strange.

Ever since they had left the club, Ashley had been strangely silent. She was distant and cold, even to Ellie, as if their presence was an annoyance to her. When they arrived back at the house they watched some music videos on the couch, but Hillary kept noticing Ashley staring at her. Every time she would look over Ashley would avert her eyes but it was clear that something was going on. By the time it was late enough to go to sleep Hillary was wishing with every fiber of her being that she was at home in her bed. Even though her house would be huge and empty, she still preferred that to someone's hard floor and strained silences.

She rolled over and found that she had discarded Craig's leather jacket with the rest of her clothes nearby. She quietly reached out a hand and pulled it towards her. She held it close and inhaled deeply. The outside was marked with foreign cologne, but the inside was infused with his scent; incense, soap, the oil he used on his guitar. She breathed in the smell and let the calmness it gave her wash away her anxiety. She knew it was wrong to be thinking like that again, but really, what harm would it do in the dark of Ashley's room?

It was then that she looked up and saw Ashley's pretty face gazing down at her from the bed. Her dark hair was sticking up all over her head and she watched Hillary's actions with interest. This time, though, she didn't look away when Hillary caught her in her stare.

"What are you doing?" she asked, and Hillary shrugged as she hastily pushed the jacket back towards the pile.

"Nothing. Couldn't sleep." Hillary replied, and Ashley still watched her warily.

"What, was Craig like, hitting on you?" she asked suddenly, and Hillary shook her head vigorously.

"No, I was just cold. I forgot my jacket. Craig was my neighbor in grade 7. He was just being nice." She explained quickly. Ashley was still unconvinced.

"Do you like him?" she asked point-blank, and Hillary shuddered at the question. She didn't want to lie to her new friend, not really, despite the recent awkwardness. Still, to tell Ashley anything would mean having to explain everything. Hillary couldn't do that, not yet.

"No, of course not." She lied, rolling over and pulling the afghan up over her shoulder. "It's late, we should get some sleep."

Hillary could hear Ashley pause as though she wanted to say more, then heard her roll back up onto the bed. She shut her eyes tightly and pretended to sleep. She knew, however, that when she opened her eyes again it wouldn't be anywhere near morning.


	15. In which Monday morning brings new surpr...

**15.** In which Monday morning brings new surprises

_**To me she was like a magnet. Call it young love if you like, but whenever I wasn't around her I was planning ways to be near and when I was with her I was always trying to get closer. To have that old familiar feeling back again now, after three years of living without it... it's stronger than ever.**_

_He was the only boy to ever give me butterflies. True, honest to god butterflies. I always thought that the shaking, giggling, fireworks kind of love was an illusion. Something poets made up so that they could concoct new methods of spinning phrases. Until I met him._

_**I wish I could still be with her.**_

_I wish I could still be with him._

Craig left early for school on Monday morning. It wasn't as if he really wanted to be there. On the contrary, he was still being harassed by the student body at large. All he really wanted was to see Hillary, to continue to drink in the changes she had made in her manner, her dress, her personality. He wanted to see if she still sparkled like she used to, still lit up a room on occasion, he wanted to know if the important parts of her were still there and intact.

He found Jimmy and Spinner by their lockers as usual. He dropped his bag to the floor and shot them a wide grin. They looked at him strangely, then watched as he twirled the combination into his locker and whistled some AC/DC song. They exchanged a glance and moved in for questioning.

"What's up with you, Manning?" Jimmy asked, and Craig smiled again. He shrugged cryptically, grabbing a few notebooks and a pen before walking off towards his first class.

"We're going to find out, you know!" Spinner called after him, and Craig waved as he continued down the hall away from them.

* * *

Hillary had been looking for Ashley and Ellie all morning. They were in none of their usual places, not on the wall or at the picnic tables. After almost fifteen minutes of wandering she finally leaned against a nearby locker and slid down to a sitting position. She sat silently for several moments before a pair of thin legs appeared in front of her. Hillary looked first to the brown clogs, then to the jean skirt, past the pale green sweater, and finally to the gold eyes and blonde hair of Emma. Emma smiled down at her before taking a seat next to her.

"Hey, you already look like you're not enjoying your Monday." She commented, and Hillary smiled weakly.

"Is there anyone who does?" she asked, sipping her nearly empty coffee and sighing deeply. Emma laughed and shook her head.

"Not anyone who's sane, anyway." She spoke, then looked over at the obviously sad face of her new acquaintance. "I know it's none of my business, since we just met this weekend and all... but are you really okay? You look kind of down."

Hillary finally turned her eyes to meet Emma's. She stared for a moment before turning away and looking down the hall. She silently shook herself free of her sudden sadness and turned back to smile at the blonde.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired, it was a long weekend." She replied, and wondered to herself when she became a constant liar. Ignoring the accompanying feeling of regret she widened her smile. "So, who was the cutie I saw you dancing with at Insomnia? He seemed pretty into you..."

"Oh..." Emma breathed, and blushed prettily. Hillary could tell that this pleased the girl and she began to actually feel happy for the first time all day. She turned a little to face the younger girl, and Emma turned to match her. "That's Chris. We're just friends, though. He has a girlfriend."

Hillary smiled at this, and shrugged playfully. She herself may have been a social deviant, but she still could tell when someone liked someone else. She was the type who could predict a relationship a week before it happened. She just had a sense for it.

"If you say so..." she trailed off, and Emma blushed more furiously. Both girls allowed a giggle to escape, which they quickly stifled upon realization that they still didn't know each other very well. At that moment a muscular, dirty blonde haired boy made his way past them. Several students scattered half heartedly in his path, and he and Emma shared a brief but sizzling glance. Emma quickly glanced away and Hillary watched with interest. When the boy was gone Hillary looked to Emma with one eyebrow raised.

"Ex-boyfriend." She explained.

"Cute." Hillary commented.

"Criminal." Emma corrected.

"Sad." Hillary commented again.

Together they laughed at their low syllable word game. Hillary was beginning to like this Emma girl.

* * *

Craig stuffed his things into his locker and pulled out his bag. It had been a long day, and his good mood had continually drained as the day passed without so much as glimpse of Hillary. He slammed his locker shut and turned, but found a small bit of resistance in his path. A person was standing behind him, and the force of the collision had knocked them to the ground. He looked down in surprise to find Hillary sprawled on the floor behind him, a bewildered look filling her wide eyes.

"Whoa, Hill!" he cried, reaching down and helping her to her feet. She brushed some dirt from her pant leg and laughed a little.

"In a hurry?" she asked, and he just shook his head. He was staring, he knew, but there was really nothing he could do about it. She pulled something from her bag and he watched with interest. It was his jacket, the one he had completely forgotten slipping over her shoulders that night. She handed it to him with a smile. "I forgot to give this back to you. You must have been cold this weekend."

"Naaaaaah." He replied, shaking his head a little too vigorously. She smiled again and turned to leave, but ran completely into Jimmy and Spinner who had appeared behind her. The force of the impact caused her to fall back into Craig's arms, where she rested for only a moment. Pulling herself again to her feet she sighed with exasperation.

"I'm just one big walking disaster today, I guess." She spoke, and Jimmy and Spinner looked to Craig for an introduction. Craig quickly cleared his throat.

"Oh hey, Jimmy, Spinner... this is Hillary. She's an old friend of mine. Hill, these are my friends..."

"I know." She cut him off, and stared at the two boys in question. They shared an uneasy glance.

"You know what?" Jimmy asked, and Hillary stared at them harder.

"I know you. Both of you." she told them, and a blank look of confusion was multiplied across the faces of all three boys. She sighed for dramatic effect. "You obviously don't remember me. I must not be very memorable, I guess."

"Did you guys know each other when Hill went to Degrassi in grade 7?" Craig asked, and a light bulb practically appeared over Jimmy's head.

"Dude, Hillary Thomas?? You're KIDDING, right? You're like a completely different person!" Jimmy exclaimed, slapping Spinner on the arm. "Spin, it's Hillary. Remember in grade 7, Paige's best friend was Hillary Thomas??"

"Oh hey, yeah. You used to call us Spinny and Jimmer." Spinner replied, pausing in thought. "Man, you used to be blonde!"

"Yeah I did. I changed a lot in three years, so I guess I can let you off the hook for forgetting about me." She teased, pushing Jimmy playfully.

"We didn't forget, we just didn't recognize you. Like Paige would ever let us forget!" Jimmy assured her, and at that moment there was a voice from behind all of them.

"How could I let them forget one of my best friends?" the voice asked, and Hillary spun around and ran without a thought into the waiting arms of Paige. She nearly toppled the taller girl, and Paige laughed as she smoothed her hair. "Hill coming back was supposed to be a surprise, but you guys went and blew it by not recognizing her. Lord, girl! You weren't kidding about the hair..."

Paige was circling her friend, tugging at everything from her new short hairdo to her fluttery black knee length skirt and striped black and white boat neck shirt. The girls were talking furiously, speaking so quickly that the boys could not understand a word they said. Craig wondered vaguely if that was just a girl thing. Hillary was examining Paige's even blonder hair and Caribbean tan.

"Did you have a good time in Martinique?" Hillary asked, and Paige nodded, moving over to hug Spinner.

"Yep, but I don't even want to think about all the work I'm going to have to catch up on." she told them, and they all nodded with sympathy. She smiled brightly. "Well, no use in worrying about it. I'm not even supposed to be back until tomorrow, but I wanted to stop in and see how Hill was."

"Hey!" Spinner grunted, and she gave him a squeeze.

"And to see you too, hon." She added, and he smiled proudly. "Hey guys, since I'm back early you want to come over and hang out tonight? Watch movies and such?"

Hillary and Craig nodded in unison, then averted their eyes purposefully. Spinner nodded as well, and Jimmy shook his head.

"Sorry, I've got practice tonight and a paper due for Kwan in the morning." He told them, giving Hillary a tentative hug before turning. "It's good to see you again, Hillary. I'll catch you guys later."

They all waved to his retreating form and Paige picked up her fallen shoulder bag. She linked her arm with Hillary's and began to lead her away.

"Be at my house around seven, guys. I'll tell Hazel." She called back, pausing to kiss Spinner's cheek. They nodded, and once they were gone Spinner shook his head and began walking in the other direction.

"Hey Spin, where you going?" Craig called after him, and he turned while walking. He grinned at the other boy as he took his steps backwards.

"I'm on to you, Manning. Hillary Thomas. I should have known." He teased, and though Craig knew exactly what he meant he asked again.

"Huh??" he called, just as Spinner ran directly into Mr. Raditch. The older man looked down with mild reproach before Spinner turned and took off down the hall. Craig laughed a little before he saw Raditch was looking at him too. He quickly gathered his things and beat a hasty retreat out the front door.


	16. In which the 80's strike back

**16.** In which the 80's strike back

_Sometimes human emotion gets in the way of common sense. When this happens, who is really to blame?_

Hillary and Paige had made several stops on their way to Paige's house. Hillary had called her brother on Paige's cell and cancelled her pickup, and the two had gone first to the Dot for coffee and then to the shoe store to gawk. It didn't take them long to realize how much they had missed each other.

When they arrived at the house, they found Marco and Dylan cuddling on the couch. The girls stopped to disrobe their winter clothes and Dylan stood up to embrace Hillary.

"Hey, kid. Long time no see." He spoke, and then released her with a grin.

"So true. Hey, Marco." She replied, leaning around Dylan to greet the boy on the couch. Marco smiled back at her and she returned her attention to Dylan. She eyed him slyly before offering him a nudge to the ribs and a wink. "Good choice."

She moved past him to sit across the couch from Marco, leaving room for Dylan to sit back down. Instead of sitting down, Dylan motioned for Marco to follow as he started up the nearby staircase. Paige grabbed a pillow and flopped down in the recliner.

"Spin, Craig, and Haze are coming over later to watch movies if you guys want to stay and hang out." She told them, and Dylan shook his head with a grin.

"Nah, we're going to go up to my room for a while." He replied, and both Paige and Hillary giggled at the innuendo. Once they were gone Paige retrieved the remote control and flipped it to some random retro music video. Both girls began to sing along, and before they knew it they were both standing on their respective seats belting out the lyrics at the top of their lungs. The video ended and they began a rather good rendition of "Love is a Battlefield" by Pat Benetar.

**We are young,  
****Heartache to heartache  
****We stand  
****No promises, no demands  
****Love is a battlefield  
****We are strong,  
****No one can tell us we're wrong  
****Searchin' our hearts for so long,  
****Both of us knowing  
****Love is a battlefield**

It was because of the noise that they didn't hear the door open. It was because of their dance moves they didn't see Spinner or Craig standing in the doorway. Finally, in a stunning 80's inspired dance move, both girls spun towards the door. Craig was suppressing a laugh, and Spinner was rolling on the floor. The girls immediately fell onto their seats, and colored slightly. Paige looked annoyed, but Hillary was laughing loudly. Finally, Paige turned to look at her friend, and soon she too was bent over the arm rest in a fit of laughter.

Once they had all settled a bit, Spinner took a seat on the couch across from Hillary. He gave Craig a devilish grin as he patted the only seat left in the room. It was a small space left on the couch, in between Spinner and Hillary. He would practically be sitting on her lap. Hillary watched as he shot Spinner a look before taking the seat. She shifted a little, but tried her best to pretend like it was nothing important. She could feel his eyes practically pinned to her, and she focused all the more on the TV. She heard him sigh and turn his attention to the TV as well. Her shoulders slowly relaxed, and she could feel Craig relax as well. Paige gave her a look, which she ignored.

"Craig, we totally need to do a video for the band." Spinner spoke up, and Craig laughed a little.

"A video? Spin, we don't even have a real song yet. What on earth would we make a video to?" he asked, and Spinner shrugged.

"I'm sure we could find something." He replied, but was looking across the couch at the fact that his comment had caught Hillary's attention.

"You guys are in a band?" she asked, eyes lighting up. Craig smiled knowingly. If there was one thing about Hillary that hadn't changed it was her love of music. Spinner grinned proudly.

"Downtown Sasquatch. Our man Craig here is the front man." He replied, giving the other boy a hearty pat on the back which caused him to sputter. Hillary had turned her body and pulled her legs up under her, so she was facing the boys sitting next to her.

"Really? You're playing again? And singing too? Are you writing?" she asked in quick succession.

"Whoa hon, slow down." Paige spoke up with a laugh. Craig laughed a little as well.

"Yeah, I'm playing guitar and singing. And trying to write. I haven't been very successful with that lately, though." He told her, and she gave him that old familiar smile.

"Oh, I'm sure it's just a funk you're in. You were always really good at coming up with lyrics, even when we were playing air guitar and beating on boxes with sticks in my garage." She told him. He shook his head.

"Yeah, but even when we were a fake band I was writing songs for _you_ to sing. There's a big difference. Besides, we were like, nine. It's not hard to come up with lyrics at that age, not when you're writing about 'Hillary's Brace-Face'." He teased, and her mouth dropped open.

"Hey, I wasn't the _only_ one with a mouthful of metal there Manning! I seem to remember you were pretty orthodontic yourself!" she shot back. He laughed a little.

"Yeah, but I didn't choose the color green for my little rubber bands. You always looked like you had just been attacked by broccoli!" he replied, and her eyes narrowed.

"Oh man, you are SO asking for it!" she cried, reaching out to collect a pillow and heaving it at his head. It hit him square in the face, and a shocked look blossomed in his eyes.

"Oh, it's ON." He told her. Spinner quickly escaped to the chair with Paige as Craig grabbed the pillow where it had fallen and heaved it back at her. Soon they were engaged in an all out couch battle, utilizing every pillow within reach. Spinner and Paige watched with amusement as Hillary finally got Craig pinned. They were both breathing heavily as she tossed back the dark hair that had fallen into her eyes. She gazed down at him with a grin.

"You should know by now that I always come out on top." She told him, a teasing glint shining in her bright eyes. It was then they all heard the two people standing in the doorway. Because of the scuffle no one had heard them enter, but now all four eyes were locked on the two figures in the alcove.

Hazel and Ashley stood on the doormat. Hazel looked confused and a little sheepish. Ashley just stared blankly and the two heaped on the couch. Hillary leapt off Craig and settled on the floor next to the couch, and Craig pulled a pillow up to his chest as though Ashley might launch into an attack.

"I thought... I saw Ash in the hall... I figured you'd want... I invited her to come." Hazel sputtered, trying to get out an explanation. Everyone stood perfectly still, wondering who would make the next move.


	17. In which there is some confusion over ki...

**17.** In which there is some confusion over kissing

_**Sometimes bodies overtake minds. When this happens, which is really in the right?**_

No one wanted to move. No one dared to speak, but rather they looked around at each other desperately. Finally Paige, who was the most socially adept of them all, tried to lighten the situation.

"Hey Ash, we didn't know you were coming. Why don't you guys sit down?" she offered, standing up and nudging Spinner while doing so. He looked around with bewilderment for a moment before catching on.

"Oh, uh... yeah. Sit down." He spoke, and Paige smiled at him. Ashley shook her head and her hand reached out for the door handle.

"I'm leaving." She declared, but before she could do the deed Craig had already stood from the couch.

"No, Ashley. You don't have to go. If anyone should leave, it's me." He told her, glancing over to Hillary in hopes of catching a reaction. It was because of this shift in his eyesight that he didn't see the anger that suddenly flashed on Ashley's face.

"You're right Craig. You should leave." She told him, and he turned back to her, confused.

"I was trying to be nice. I just thought..." he stammered, and she rolled her eyes.

"Are you sure that's what you were trying to do? Let me guess: you thought that _maybe_ I wouldn't want to watch you put the moves on ANOTHER girl? My friend, no less. Wow Craig, you're a real gentleman." She replied forcefully, and this time Hillary was the one to speak up.

"Ash, it's not like that..." she started, but Ashley held up a hand.

"I understand, Hillary. Craig has these irresistible pheromones and the self control of a toddler." Ashley told her, sarcasm just barely lacing her words.

"Ash, it's not like that." Hillary and Paige spoke together, the union of their voices making the statement all the louder.

"I have _eyes_ you know. Don't think I don't see what's right in front of me, Hillary." Ashley spoke cryptically, and Craig had no idea what she was talking about. Hillary looked a little hurt, though, and because of that Craig had had enough. He pushed his way past Ashley and went out the door. The sun was just going down, and he could hear the others arguing in the room behind him. Defeated, he sank down onto the porch steps and leaned his head against the pole.

After several moments he heard the door close and the sound of the boards creaking behind him. He turned slightly to find Hillary pulling on her sweatshirt. She handed him his jacket and he accepted it gratefully. Because the sun was going down the afternoon was growing colder. She slowly sat down next to him, and he turned to smile at her.

"Sort of making a habit out of following me when I run away from her, aren't you?" he half teased. She smiled a little and tapped his arm playfully.

"It's not my fault you go running from buildings all the time. Must be the pheromones." She replied, and they both laughed a little.

"She's mad at you?" he asked, and she shrugged.

"I guess so. She's got nothing to be mad about, though. I mean, there's nothing going on between us." She told him, and his eyes turned to the tree line. Seeing this, she held out a hand to grasp his arm. "Craig, there's nothing going on between us."

"Yeah, I know." He replied, turning his attention back to her. He barely heard her words, though. All he knew was that she was sitting so close. Her lips were scant inches from his, and he could smell the coconut-lime lotion she used. Their eyes locked for a moment, and without another thought he reached out and closed the gap between them. He captured her lips with his and kissed her deeply. In that split second all of his frustration melted away, and three years of turmoil and distance exploded in a burst of cherry lip gloss and fireworks. To his surprise, she leaned in closer and deepened the kiss, causing the breath to flee his body and making him lightheaded.

To his greater surprise, she pulled away seconds later. She tripped over a frozen bush as she stumbled down the short set of stairs. Her hand flew to her lips, and her eyes met Craig's breathless gaze. The look in her eyes was one of shock, lust, and... annoyance?

"Craig Manning! What are you _doing_??" she cried, hands desperately looking for something to occupy them. In the end she merely fluttered in place, and Craig watched her with dismay.

"What am I doing? What are _you_ doing?" he asked. Her face grew more shocked.

"You _kissed_ me." She spoke, voice dropping down to a whisper. He leaned in to hear her, and then grew more confused.

"And you kissed me back. What's the problem?" he asked, and she only fluttered more.

"Craig, I _just_ said there was nothing going on between us. Weren't you _listening_? No one follows that statement with a kiss!!" she told him, and he shook his head.

"I'm sorry, Hill. It just happened. I didn't plan it, it's not like I have 'ways to trick Hillary into kissing me' blueprints tacked up in my room." He replied, hoping to elicit at the very least a giggle. She just gazed at him with more dismay. "I don't get it Hill. You like me, don't you? I mean, you _liked_ me. In theory you still would, I haven't changed that much. I still don't get why you left, but you're back now. I want to be with you, Hill. Why can't we try?"

In an instant he could see the turmoil that burned within her, and he silently hoped the irrational part of her that still cared for him would win out over newer, rationally distant Hillary. In the end, though, she shook her head and finally caught his eye.

"No, we can't. Don't you see all the problems that would create?" she told him, beginning her climb back up the steps. He caught her wrist as she passed and she looked down at him for only a moment. "I'm sorry."

With that she was gone, back into the house shutting the door behind her. Craig let out a low groan of frustration as he threw his head back into the pillar behind him. The frustration was back, and now to make matters worse he had a taste of her on his lips. Being near her now would be all the more agonizing. Look, but don't touch. He would be slow to learn.


	18. In which Hillary reflects

**A/N: Rating has increased due to implied "violence". Nothing too intense, just thought I'd give fair warning.**

**18.** In which Hillary reflects

_Ok, so maybe I overreacted a little bit. But honestly, it scared me how good it felt to kiss him. It felt right, perfect, and oh-so-wonderful. Kissing Craig felt like home, the real home I imagined in my mind to take the place of my huge vacant house on the hill._

_But like the home with the caring parents, loving Craig is something I simply cannot have._

Hillary's brother had picked her up and Paige's within fifteen minutes of her call to him. They had driven home in silence, as he always knew when she needed quiet to think. When they arrived at the house she went straight to her room. Dropping her bag next to her desk chair she flipped on the stereo to maximum volume and flopped listlessly across the width of her broad bed. Burying her face into the comforter she screamed until her lungs burned.

She was just so _frustrated_. Everything Craig had said was right, and it killed her. She didn't want that, all she wanted was to be able to stick to her convictions. She knew, she just _knew_ that being together was the wrong thing. Even more than that, she was scared to death that what had happened that summer would happen again. She couldn't stand being at fault anymore. Her mind melted into a sudden memory and she immediately felt sick to her stomach. She hated to remember that day, the day everything had changed.

**She had stood on Jake's doorstep that day for nearly five minutes before letting herself into his house. He had called her earlier, asked her to come over that afternoon. She was still a little mad at him, but something in his voice compelled her to go. She had grabbed a popsicle and hopped on her bike, setting out into the late afternoon sun.**

**The air was so heavy and hot it seemed as though the pavement beneath her wheels would melt. She was immediately thankful that she had been wearing a white tennis skirt and her pale blue bikini top, as more clothing would have made it impossible to pedal. Strands of her blonde hair were falling out of her messy ponytail and sticking to her skin, and she was breathing heavily by the time she reached his house.**

**Jake Tory lived in a different part of town, a good distance from Hillary's new house. Jake lived near Hillary's old house and new boyfriend, Craig. She and Jake had broken up at the beginning of the summer, right before she and her parents had moved. He wasn't taking it very well, and what was worse for him was the fact that she had already moved on. He had called her several nights before and yelled at her for hours, calling her all sorts of names. Hillary had hung up on him.**

**It wasn't like Jake to act that way, it was as if he was a completely different person. Normally Jake was quiet and kind with dark blue eyes that always seemed to smile. Lately though, his eyes hadn't been smiling. His face had grown ashen and drawn, with violet half-moons carved under his eyes. When he had called her that afternoon he seemed like his old self again, apologizing and asking her to come over for a bit. Hillary was all too ready to accept his apology. While they weren't dating anymore, she still cared for him. In truth, she was getting worried about him.**

**When she finally arrived at his house that day she had tossed her bike onto the lawn and stopped a moment on his porch to catch her breath. The sun was going down, and the air was suddenly marked with a cooler breeze. She readjusted her ponytail and fanned herself quietly, straining to hear the music she knew was coming from Jake's upstairs bedroom. It sounded like his favorite band, _Saves the Day_, and she smiled to herself. That was a good sign.**

**She let herself in and looked around the darkened foyer. She could hear the music better now; it was at top volume and pouring down the staircase. She could tell his door was shut, and wondered vaguely just _how_ loud the music was. She briefly looked for Jake's mother, but soon realized she must still be at work. Jake's cat Cookie wandered in from the back patio and circled Hillary's legs. Hillary bent down to pick up the huge tabby before moving to close the patio door. Jake lived on a busy street and Cookie was under no circumstances to be let outside. Hillary shook her head and smiled down at the cat purring in her arms as she made her way up the staircase.**

**"Jake, you left the back door open. You're mom would have been ripped if Cookie had gotten out." She yelled over the music. There was no response and she shook her head again. Finally she was able to clearly make out the lyrics and she began to sing along under her breath.**

_**If I could only see you now  
**__**For about an hour  
**__**Maybe just a minute  
**__**Just to ask **_

_**What he's got that I don't have? **_

_**Is it his brown eyes?  
**__**I know blue eyes get boring  
**__**But I'll wear dark glasses all the time  
**__**And hey if you want me to  
**__**I'll take a knife to  
**__**My own bright eyes  
**__**  
Well, I'll give you a thousand reasons that tonight  
**__**You should grant me this one wish.  
**_**_Like the one year of my life that I gave to you  
_****_And now you put me through hell.  
_**_**You break me up.  
**_**_Whoa, I should hate you _**

_**But I can't replace you in my heart.  
**__**Why am I so pathetic? **_

**She finally reached the top of the staircase and Cookie was becoming heavy in her arms. She tried to open the door but something was propped against it. She leaned forward and rested her head against the doorframe. With her free hand she knocked loudly and waited for a response.**

**"Jake, c'mon. It's hot out here in the hall." She called, and was greeted only by music. Finally she set her weight against the door and pushed. Whatever was leaning against the door fell away, and the door swung open. Her ears were assaulted by the sound within the room. She didn't even know a stereo could go that high. She moved in and flipped the volume off, making the song soft and muted. She rubbed her ear and turned.**

**She could then see what had been propped against the door. She dropped Cookie, and the cat scurried away. Her hand flew to her mouth and she felt tears spring to her eyes.**

**The rest was a blur. To this day she barely remembered the events that followed, only recalled Jake's lifeless form and then falling down half the flight of stairs in a dash to get the phone. She called the paramedics, not really knowing why. Jake was dead, that much was obvious. There was so much blood, and he was so still. Nevertheless, she made the phone call and then sat huddled in the dark living room. The sun had completely disappeared from the sky, and a chill was settling over the room. Hillary barely noticed, as she was already shaking and the whole world had seemingly gone gray. She wondered if perhaps she was in shock when she looked down. Her hand was clutched tightly around a crumpled piece of paper, clenched so hard her knuckles were turning white.**

**Slowly she opened her fist and wondered where along her path from bedroom to living room she had picked up this small scrap of paper. She finally remembered it had been resting near Jake's foot, but still didn't recall picking it up and wondered how on earth she had dialed the phone with it in her fist. Desperate scrawl covered the small sheet of paper. Hillary could read it, though, she was one of the few who could actually understand Jake's scratchy left handed writing.**

_Hill-ree,_

_I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for everything, everything that happened with us. I'm sorry I can't stay. I can't stand to watch you with **him**. I hope you're happy without me, I know I could never be happy without you._

_Tell mom I love her. I really do._

_And I love you, Hill-ree._

_Bye,_

_-J_

**Hillary read the note over and over again. He had done this, killed himself. A tiny part of her told her it wasn't her fault, wasn't Craig's fault. But a still bigger part of her knew it was _all_ her fault. Her fault for being with Craig, her fault for being happy. Her fault, her fault, her fault.**

She came out of her memory feeling as shaken as that first day. She tried hard to push the thoughts to the back of her head, but as she did she re-solidified her vow. She wouldn't let what happened to Jake happen to Craig. She wouldn't bring him down the same way.


	19. In which apologies are made

**19.** In which apologies are made

**_Sometimes, in order to get what we want we just have hold on tight and not let go. That's what I'm planning with Hillary. She should know I'd never give up on her._**

Craig found Hillary the next morning standing alone at her locker. He approached quickly, but as soon as she saw him coming she turned to leave. He reached out and secured a hold on her arm, and she turned tiredly.

"Hill, c'mon. We need to talk." He told her, and she sighed deeply before conceding.

"Fine. Talk." She commanded, then stared as he looked back at her slightly dumbstruck. When he was still silent she shook her head and started to walk away again. The finally shook himself free and went forward again to catch her.

"Seriously Hillary. I'm sorry about yesterday, okay? I let my hormones get the best of me." He pleaded, and she turned again. Her eyes were sad.

"We can't do this, Craig. I could give you a million reasons why this will never work." She told him.

"Give me one." He demanded, and she leaned back against the bank of lockers as if her legs were about to give out.

"Ashley. I've probably already lost the first good friend I made here because I got involved with you. And that was before anything had even happened!" she finished, and looked to him to argue. He wasn't about to step down from the challenge.

"That's not fair, Hillary. Ashley and I are done, she's made that really clear over and over again." He replied, throwing his hands in the air. He leaned forward for emphasis. "She doesn't own me!"

"That's no the point, Craig. She's my friend; I'm not supposed to move in on her ex. Especially after what happened between you." she explained, and Craig let out an anguished moan.

"Not even if you were my ex first?" he asked, and she just looked at him. He began to pace a little, feeding off the heat of their argument. "That's just dumb Hillary. This isn't about Ashley at all, I can tell. Or maybe it is just a little, but not as much as you're letting on. Tell me what it's really about..."

He saw she was starting to walk away again but he only began to walk beside her. After a moment or so everyone was staring and Hillary turned in frustration.

"What do you WANT from me?" she growled from between clenched teeth. He stared deep into her eyes and tried to lock onto any glimmer of hope.

"Five minutes. I at least deserve that much." He replied, and finally she closed her eyes and took his hand. Together they walked to the Zen garden and took a seat on the cold bench. Once they were seated she turned.

"Go. The clock is ticking." She told him, and he sighed deeply.

"For every reason you've got for why we'll never work out I've got two reasons for why we will. Hillary, I never stopped caring about you. I never will." He spoke, and he could see the pressure of composure beginning to take its toll on her.

"Please, don't do this. Please." She was practically begging now, with tears dotting her eyes. Finally he saw that she wouldn't be able to take much more of his prodding and lowered his head in momentary defeat.

"Fine, Hill. I'll lay off for now. But I'm never going to stop caring. Friends?" he asked, and she smiled genuinely.

"Friends." She repeated, and he reached out and placed a kiss on the top of her head. He was just pulling away when they were both startled by a noise in the doorway. They looked up to find Hazel and Paige standing in the door, looking expectant. Hillary wiped at her eyes in a vain effort to diminish the tears that pooled there and Craig shifted nervously. Paige finally laughed and the two floated down into the garden.

"Hey you two, we were just looking for you." Paige spoke, giving Hillary a friendly squeeze where she still sat on the bench. Hazel moved in next to Craig and nodded vigorously.

"Yeah, my parents are going out of town this weekend and I'm having an open house party on Friday night. We wanted to make sure you guys knew about it and were planning on coming." Hazel spoke, eyes bright with the prospect of late night amusement. Hillary laughed a little.

"Well, I don't know if I should. I don't think Ash is too happy with me right now." She spoke, and Paige shrugged.

"She might not even come; we all know parties aren't really her thing." Paige told them, and Craig turned.

"You can't be afraid of Ashley. She'll probably get over it soon, and until she does, she's all talk." He told Hillary, and Paige and Hazel glared at his unintended innuendo.

"C'mon, Hon. It'll be a blast." Paige whined, and Hazel nodded to back her up.

"Please? It won't be the same if you're not there!" she cried, and Hillary turned back to Craig.

"Are you going?" she asked, and the other three people in the garden stared at her. At first Craig didn't know what to say, he was as shocked that she was asking his plans as the other girls were. Finally he nodded slowly.

"I think so. Jimmy will be there, right?" he asked, and Hazel nodded. Hillary looked thoughtful.

"Yeah, I guess I can go." She finally spoke, and Paige gave her another hug before retreating into the warmth of the school.

"You'll be glad you decided to come! Call me if you need a ride!" she called back over her shoulder as Hazel closed the door behind them. Hillary turned her gaze to the sky, and Craig watched her with a mixture of confusion and interest. The enigma surrounding her current actions and motivations was growing bigger every day.


	20. In which Hillary feels conflicted

**20.** In which Hillary feels conflicted

_I don't know why I thought it would be so easy to complete cut Craig from my life. I don't understand how I could be so blind as to believe I could completely erase him from my heart._

_And now I'm caught, stuck, conflicted. Trapped between a rock and a hard place._

_I want his love, but can't take the risk of screwing things up again. I wonder which is the rock, and which is the hard place..._

Friday night materialized in no time and Hillary sat at home that evening trying to find something to wear. She hadn't been so consumed by what she wore since grade seven. She wondered briefly if the ability to look good was unforgettable, like riding a bike. She had just tried on and tossed off half her wardrobe when she began to regret saying she'd go to this party.

In truth, she only wanted to be there because of Craig. Lately, she hadn't even really enjoyed parties. Still, she felt an inexorable need to be there, to be near Craig. And this subconscious urge was driving her crazy.

She flopped down on her bed amidst a pile of discarded tee shirts and mini skirts and heaved a defeated sigh. She didn't know what to do. She thought of calling Paige, but knew she'd end up in a sparkly halter and too high heels. She certainly couldn't call Ashley, and assumed that Ellie would also be a bad choice because of the current drama. Finally she looked down to her sneaker clad foot and something caught her eye. An idea sparked at the sight of Emma Nelson's phone number scrawled on the toe of her shoe, where Hillary had drawn it in bubble letters as they shared lunch on Thursday.

Excited at last, Hillary grabbed the phone and pulled her leg up so her toe was just at eye level. In the midst of this odd, yoga inspired mood she dialed the number and then lay back. Her feet were in the air and her head hung off the edge as the phone rang and rang. After ringing several times, Hillary worried that the girl might not be home. Finally, a breathless voice appeared on the other end of the line.

"Hello!" the voice cried, and Hillary held the phone away from her ear for a moment.

"Hi, is Emma there?" she asked after recovering, tracing upside down shapes in the carpet above (below) her head.

"This is she." The voice replied, and Hillary immediately sat up.

"It _is_?" she asked, incredulous. She had no idea Emma sounded so masculine on the phone. Suddenly there was a voice in the background.

"Dad, give me the phone!" it cried, and there was a sound of laughter. "Hey, sorry about my dad. He's kind of crazy like that. Who is this?"

****"Em?" Hillary asked, not quite ready to believe her ears.

"Yeah, who's this?" the Emma voice asked, and Hillary heaved a sigh of relief.

"Hey Emma, this is Hillary."

"Hillary, hey!" Emma replied. She sounded happy to hear from her, which was a good sign.

"Are you going to Hazel's party?" she asked, and Emma sighed.

"Not invited." She replied, and Hillary giggled a little.

"Honey, it's an open party. Anyone can go." She told the younger girl, and she could hear Emma grow a little excited. The excitement was quickly stifled. Emma Nelson was many things, but a party animal wasn't one of them.

"I'd stick out, Hillary. Spinner doesn't like me, and what if Jay and Alex and Sean are there? Besides, I have nothing to wear..." she spoke quickly, and finally Hillary cut her off.

"Would you come with me? Come over now and help me find something to wear? You can even wear something of mine; my brother can give us a ride. Please Emma? I'm desperately in need of guidance and I _really_ don't want to go alone. Please?" she pleaded, and finally Emma conceded.

"Yeah, I suppose I could go for a few hours. My mom is going to have to pick me up by midnight, though. I have an Eco-Watch meeting in the morning. I'll be over in a little bit."

True to her word, Emma appeared on Hillary's doorstep within twenty minutes, and soon the girls were standing among the wreckage of Hillary's closet. Hillary dove in to the back portion of what remained in the closet. It was mostly clothes that didn't fit her anymore. After about a moment she emerged triumphant.

"I knew I'd have something that fit you. I used to be a lot skinnier; this should fit you pretty well." She told the taller girl, holding up a black strapless dress. It was tight at the top and went out at the bottom, hitting at about knee length. It had tulle underneath to give it a little body and the whole thing was patterned with tiny white polka dots. Hillary dove into her closet again, tossing out a pair of heeled mary-janes. Emma quickly slipped them on her feet and Hillary retrieved the dress and held it up towards the mirror so Emma could get a sense of it. Emma looked skeptical, but Hillary only took the girl's mass of straight blonde hair and tied it up in a messy ponytail. Hillary too suddenly looked skeptical, but ran off to retrieve an accessory. Once the strand of large white pearls was fastened around Emma's slender neck both girls smiled. Emma nodded with satisfaction.

"Perfect." She spoke, then grinned at Hillary wickedly. "My turn."

Soon Hillary was dressed in a pair of close fit jeans and a thin, long sleeve black tunic dress which fell off both her shoulders and hit well above her knee. A studded belt was fastened around her waist and a pair of black Chucks were on her feet. They stood next to each other in front of the mirror once they were through dressing and smiled at their respective creations. They were ready to go.

**A/N – I apologize for the seeming fluffiness of this chapter. Sometimes you need a little brightness to split up the drama. Which there is plenty more of, believe you me. Thanks for all the comments I've received so far, they've been really helpful in keeping the story going.**


	21. In which they get the party started

**21.** In which they get the party started

_**It seems that parties are always the site of drama. Usually I try to count myself lucky if I go to a party and am not involved in any dramatic goings on. With Ashley and Hillary involved, though, I could already see that it would be inevitable.**_

Craig arrived at Hazel's that night and found the place filled to capacity with people. He didn't know half of them, and assumed they came from some of the other area schools. Music poured out the open door and onto the Christmas light lit lawn. Hazel was lucky her house was outside the city, or there would be cops there within minutes.

He pushed his way past several people clogging the doorway. He noticed Sean and Jay standing near the kitchen, and gave Sean a small nod of recognition. After Sean had returned the greeting Craig pressed further into the house, seeking the source of the music and the place Hillary would be if she had arrived already. Once he located the pounding stereo he looked out across the group of dancing people to its center. There, twirling to the beat in the heart of a swirl of dancing bodies was Hillary. By her side was Emma Nelson, dressed up prettily. She, like Hillary, shone with a thin layer of sweat as they tore their bodies back and forth to the sound of some gritty punk song.

Craig stopped a moment and watched the girls moving around one another. Hillary looked completely in her element, and even Emma looked at ease. Their bodies moved in graceful unison, a sort of liquid synthesis that Craig could and did enjoy. He felt his heartbeat quicken a little and his body shift into high gear. He had just begun to feel the heat in his chest stir when he felt an arm drop over his shoulder and a cold drink being pressed into his hand. He looked down first to the generic beer in his hand and then to the already drunken face of Spinner laughing loudly by his side.

"Hey!" Spinner cried, taking a sip of his own drink and stumbling a little. He grinned at the taller boy. "Drink up!"

Spinner downed the rest of his drink, and Craig opened his with a snap. He took one sip and coughed. Awful. He put the can down on a nearby end table and struggled to hold Spinner up as he stumbled again. Paige appeared from nowhere then, looking slightly amused and annoyed at the same time. Spinner grinned at her then, leaning his head on her shoulder.

"Spin might have had a little too much to drink tonight." She told him, and Spinner nodded giddily. Paige giggled and then took his hand to lead him to the kitchen. "C'mon, stud."

The two left, leaving Craig alone again. He returned his eye to the attractive girls that had first captured his attention. He took a deep breath and dove in between several sweaty bodies. After a moment he was at the center. It took the girls a minute to stop dancing and notice him, but when they did both seemed happy to see him. Hillary threw her arms around him in a quick friendly hug that caught him off guard. She smiled up at him, eyes bright. She seemed almost like her old self again. He grinned down at her as she wrapped an arm around his waist and motioned to their mutual friend.

"Emma. Total hottie, right?" she asked, and Craig nodded.

"Completely." He replied, and Emma blushed. He smiled again. "Really, Emma. You look great."

"Thanks." She mumbled, fiddling with the pearls around her neck. Hillary gave Craig another squeeze and then pulled away.

"Care to dance, sir?" she asked, and he nodded with a laugh.

Together the three of them danced for over an hour. Craig was not as proficient as the girls at moving to the beat, but he tried admirably. The fast songs faded into slow songs and the girls traded off dancing with Craig and finding other partners among the crowd. One time a girl actually captured Craig before he could snag one of the girls, and Emma and Hillary danced together instead of going off to find boys to pull into the crowd.

As Craig danced with the unknown girl in his arms he watched as Emma and Hillary playfully twirled each other around the makeshift dance floor. Emma's hand was on Hillary's hip, and Hillary had her head thrown back in laughter. She looked so happy, so innocent. He wished she could stay that way forever.


	22. In which pressure builds

**22.** In which pressure builds

_It's amazing what alcohol can do to a person. It distorts their personality and often times brings out the worst in them. More often than that, though, it reveals truths that the drinker would never reveal otherwise. If only I could learn by example rather than experience..._

After hours of dancing Hillary was getting hotter and hotter. She could feel the flush in her face threatening to sap her energy, and decided she needed to get some air. She grabbed Emma's arm and told her of her plan. Emma replied that she was going to get a drink. They both told Craig of their intentions, and he went to sit on a nearby couch to await their return.

Hillary slid away from the heat and noise out onto the back porch. She pulled shut the sliding glass door behind her and let the cool air wash over her. It was freezing outside and Hillary didn't have a jacket, but she was already so hot that it was actually refreshing. She was just catching her breath when she heard a noise on the other side of the deck. She turned her attention to the darkened corner, where a person was throwing up over the railing. Another person was holding them and rubbing their back, and Hillary watched with mild interest. The person finally turned, and Hillary quickly made her way over to the two.

"Ash? Are you okay?" she asked, looking over the girl standing before her. She certainly didn't look okay. It was obvious she was more than a little tipsy. Ellie stood next to her, barely able to hold her up. Ashley smiled a little, but it looked more condescending than happy. She leaned forward and motioned towards Hillary.

"Ellie, look. It's miss helpless new girl." She slurred, and Hillary looked to Ellie. Ellie just shook her head, trying to warn her against engaging the decidedly inebriated girl.

"Ashley?" Hillary asked again, and Ashley only narrowed her eyes and slipped to the ground. She landed with a short laugh and Ellie tried to pull her to her feet. Ashley pushed her away and continued to talk.

"You know I heard a rumor about miss helpless new girl. Did you know that, Elle? Want to know what I heard about her? It isn't pretty..." Ashley went on, and Ellie tried to interrupt.

"C'mon, Ash. Let's just go home. You'll feel better when you're a little more sober." She told the girl on the ground, but was only pushed away again.

"No, Elle, you're not listening. I heard a rumor. I heard that she's trouble, that poor little helpless new girl. I heard she got kicked out of Degrassi, and her parents had to send her to school in France. Her parents are like, super rich, you know. It's too bad they don't really care about her, though." Ashley cried loudly, not even watching as Hillary's eyes filled with sudden tears. Ashley leaned forward and grabbed Ellie by the wrist. "But _shhhh_. It's a secret."

With this last whisper Ashley finally fell onto her back for good and her body was wracked with waves of hearty laughter. Hillary backed away slowly, walked without turning to the door. There she pulled open the glass and ran desperately away from the peals of drunken laughter which echoed in her ears. If only the things Ashley said had been untrue...


	23. In which someone reverts to old habits

**23. **In which someone reverts to old habits

_**Hillary could never handle liquor very well, though it wasn't for a lack of trying. I guess maybe if I had said something ahead of time to Spinner or Hazel or Jimmy... to anyone... what happened might not have happened at all.**_

When Emma returned to the couch she and Craig sat and waited for Hillary. They waited for almost a half hour. Finally, Craig stood and took Emma by the arm. Together, they went in search of their lost friend.

It didn't take them long to find her. It was only a short walk to the kitchen where they found her going shot for shot with some random punk boy. Emma looked slightly worried as Craig waded through a sea of people to take the glass out of her hand. At first she looked perturbed but then saw it was Craig and fell happily into him. He gathered her up in arms and carried her back to the living room. He set her down on the couch and Emma hovered nearby.

"Hillary, what are you _doing_?" he asked sternly, and Emma wondered why he was suddenly so angry. Hillary giggled from her spot on the couch. Her arms snaked around him and she tried to draw him into an embrace, which he broke so she could see he was serious.

"I'm getting sm-ashed!" she spoke, and Emma laughed a little. Craig shook his head as he helped her to sit up. Emma took the seat on the other side of her, and together they held her up.

"How much did you have?" he asked, and she used her fingers to indicate next to nothing. Slowly she moved her fingers apart more and more to indicate a greater and greater amount. Finally her fingers wouldn't separate further and she giggled again, falling backwards. "Vodka?"

She nodded from her place on his lap, where she was already running her fingers along his calves. He reached down to still her hands and turned to Emma who was looking more and more worried.

"What's the problem?" she asked, stroking her new friend's hair. Craig sighed.

"Hill doesn't handle alcohol well. She small, and it only takes a little to get her thoroughly trashed. Before she moved in grade seven she was drinking a lot. She had to go to alcohol counseling, and as far as I know she's been sober since. I don't know what, but something triggered this. She only drinks when she's upset." He explained.

"Will she be okay?" Emma asked, and with this Hillary sprung up and fell on her blonde friend.

"Oh Em, don't worry. Craig is overreacting. I am so-o-o good." She told her, trying to stand. She fell back down quickly. Craig nodded.

"She'll be fine when she sobers up. Someone needs to keep an eye on her until then, though." He replied, and Emma again looked worried.

"My mom is going to be here any minute; I don't think she'd like me brining my drunk friend home. My grandma is staying with us for the weekend!" Emma told him, and he smiled at her.

"Don't worry, Em. I've got her. You go home, she'll be fine." He promised, pulling the girl to her feet where she was able to stand on her own. "See, she can even stand up. We'll go upstairs for a while until she's a little more coherent and then I'll call her brother or get Jimmy to give us a ride. It'll be ok."

Emma looked skeptical, but finally agreed as she delivered a kiss to Hillary's cheek and moved towards the door. Hillary perked up immediately and waved at her departing friend.

"Bye Em!" she called, voice suddenly dropping to a whisper as she made her hand into a phone shape and held it to her head. "I'll call you..."

With this she stumbled a little, and grabbed onto Craig for support. He too waved at Emma and then followed Hillary who was already making her way up the staircase. He reached out and grabbed her by the belt before she could climb much higher and scooped her up in his arms again. The last thing he needed was for her to fall down the stairs.


	24. In which things become hazy

**24.** In which things become hazy

_Ah, the plastic oblivion of Vodka. Sweet liquor blasting through chunks of consciousness. Is it true that when I'm drunk I get philosophical?_

Hillary's eyes blurred a bit as she fell a little towards the staircase. She righted herself with a giggle. Her balance wasn't that bad, not as bad a Craig seemed to think it was. Craig.

He looked so good that night, his hair falling in his eyes and a sense of happiness changing the shape of his face. She was glad he was so happy, and wanted to be happy too. Now she was and he was not, and that made her a little upset. She felt her face break into a pout as he scooped her up and began to carry her up the stairs. She reached out a hand to tangle her fingers in his hair.

"Ooooh." She cooed, leaning closer. "I've seen this in a movie before!"

Craig didn't say anything, only carried her higher into the house. It seemed like they were climbing forever, Hillary was becoming dizzy from the altitude. She lay her head against his shoulder and the next thing she knew she was sitting on a huge bed. Craig was next to her, trying to force her to drink water, to eat anything. She pushed him away and fell back onto the bed.

She gazed at the ceiling and watched the shapes in the tiles above move and shift. She saw herself up there, twirling to the music. She saw Emma, and Ashley, and Paige... and there was Craig. She rolled onto her side and looked at the real flesh and blood boy by her side. He looked a little upset, almost angry with her. Still, the caring in his eyes was obvious and her mind began to spin.

Her drunken thoughts were confusing. This boy, this sweet attractive boy by her side loved her. And she loved him too. Well, that was stupid. If they both cared so much, then why were they stuck at inaction? She'd have to do something about that...


	25. In which signals get crossed

**25.** In which signals get crossed

_**My body and mind are in near constant opposition. Especially when it comes to Hillary. Any normal, self respecting teenage boy would have gone away years ago. After all, it was her request. But still, something kept me around. Now if only I could get my mind to do the talking.**_

Craig set the water glass down on a nearby table. It was hopeless, she wasn't going to drink or eat anything he gave her. She was stubborn when she wanted to be, more so when she was drunk. He sighed deeply and then turned back to her. He was stunned speechless by the look in her eyes, and within seconds her lips were on his. He caught her with sheer surprise as she pressed herself closer. After a moment he broke away and took her face in his hands.

"Hill, what are you doing?" he asked, though his body desperately told him to remain silent. Her eyes suddenly seemed clear as she returned his gaze. She didn't say anything, just kissed him again. This time he remained silent and returned her kiss. Somehow, she didn't taste like vodka at all. Her lips tasted of vanilla.

He felt her hands at his hips, tugging at the base of his tee shirt. He helped her pull it off and shivered at the chill in the room. His body sprang involuntarily to life as her hands roamed over his chest, down to his belly button and hip bones, then back up. She pushed him back onto the bed and began trailing kissing from his neck and down, following the path that her hands had taken. When her lips were again on his again she swung a leg over his so she was straddling him.

His breath was suddenly coming out ragged as he saw that her belt was already missing. He thought he would lose it completely as she reached down and pulled her dress over her head, leaving her in only jeans and a sheer black bra. She bent again to kiss him and the feeling of her warm skin on his made his heart pound loudly. His fingers brushed her stomach and then moved up, making it scant inches before his conscience began to set of alarms.

Slowly, painfully, he pulled away from her kiss. She looked down at him in confusion and tried to kiss him again. He again pulled away and sat up. She moved off him and to the side, face set to a mix of confusion and anger. He retrieved her dress from across the bed and handed it to her, and she pulled it over her head petulantly.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked, eyebrows furrowing. Craig shook his head.

"I can't do this, Hill. Not here, not like this." He told her, and she stood angrily to find her belt and shoes.

"What, you don't want me?" she asked, and Craig could see the question was loaded. She was still drunk, but was quickly sobering up.

"No. Not like this." He replied, quickly realizing this was the wrong answer and immediately began to try to explain what he meant. It was too late, though, because she had found her belt and was already leaving the room with shoes in hand. Craig sat on the bed for a moment and contemplated the stupidity of what he had just said.

Of _course_ he wanted her. She was beautiful, sexy, whatever you wanted to call it. And he loved her, of course. But that wasn't her, not really. He didn't just want her body; he wanted her mind and soul. At that moment her mind and soul were dulled by the blanketing effects of vodka. He stood to follow her but she was already down the stairs and disappeared from sight.


	26. In which somone unexpected lends a hand

**

* * *

26.** In which someone unexpected lends a hand

_There's nothing better than that split second moment when you are completely in sync with someone. That moment is even better when you hardly know that person._

**_What I wouldn't give to have my mind work just _one_ second faster than my mouth._**

_When one thing goes wrong, it seems everything else goes wrong. Conversely, when everything is wrong it can usually be traced back to one trigger._

Hillary ran down the stairs without stumbling once. The alcohol was still coursing through her veins, but its effect was hampered by her insane level of embarrassment. She could feel her face burning as a group of people turned to stare at her disheveled hair and hasty escape. She pushed her way through a crowd that had gathered by the door. They were circled around Ashley, who had fallen into an end table and cut her hand on a broken picture frame. She was obviously still very drunk because she was giggling compulsively as Ellie tried to put pressure on the wound.

"Hey, new girl! Going so soon?" Ashley called out, barely coherent. Hillary paused for only a moment before continuing out onto the front steps. She dropped down to sit on the top step and buried her face in her hands. She was determined not to cry, determined not to let Ashley know how hurt she was. She knew Ashley didn't really mean the things she said, it was the alcohol doing the talking. But it hurt all the same.

She finally gained control over her emotions and ran her fingers back through her hair. They came to rest and her fingers clasped at the base of her neck. It was then she noticed someone standing near the railing, smoking. He was tall, with brown hair mostly hidden by a backwards baseball hat. Hillary knew him as Jay, friend of Sean. From what Emma had said he wasn't much more than a common criminal, but Hillary knew better than to base judgment on the opinions of others. With a flick of the fingers he sent his cigarette sailing out into the freshly fallen snow. He pulled his oversized coat down around him and nodded in her direction.

"Aren't you cold?" he asked, and she just shook her head as she turned away to gaze up at the stars. Despite her words she shivered and rubbed her arms. He laughed shortly, then leaned back against the pole behind him. "Okay, if you say so. I'm Jay."

"Hillary." She replied, finally looking over at him. It was then that he could see she was on the verge of tears. He rolled his eyes, as if he knew he were about to do something he would regret.

"You look like you've had a bad night. Do you need a ride somewhere?" he asked, and she gazed at him with distrust. He held up his hands. "I'm sober, I swear."

"Aren't you Alex's boyfriend? Is she going to go psycho and rip me in half if I go with you?" she asked, sniffling a little. She felt so pitiful at that moment. He laughed again.

"Listen, I'm just offering you a ride. It's not like we're going to do it in the back seat or anything." He replied, and she still looked doubtful. He sighed deeply. "Look, do you want a ride or not..."

"Yes." She interrupted, pulling herself up from her seat and straightening her hair. "Please."

* * *

Craig made his way down the stairs, and made his way first towards the patio, then the living room, then the kitchen. All along his way he asked people if they had seen Hillary, but most were too far gone to give a straight answer. Finally, he made his way to the front porch where he found Ashley and Ellie. Ashley was seated next to the pole, leaning back against it and holding her head. Ellie was standing nearby, apparently looking for their ride and getting perturbed.

"Ashley, what happened?" he asked, and she just groaned at him. He looked to Ellie, who had turned to face him sadly.

"She's drunk. Or at least, she was drunk." Ellie explained, and Ashley groaned again. "She's going to be hurting tomorrow."

"Ellie, have you seen Hillary?" he asked, and from her spot on the ground Ashley giggled a little, then moaned loudly. She attempted a smile and he turned, confused.

"New girl had to leave early." She spoke, covering her eyes again and curling up next to the railing.

"New girl? Ashley, what are you talking about?" he asked, and Ellie shook her head.

"Ashley said some things to Hillary tonight while she was drunk. She didn't mean them, I know she didn't..." Ellie began to explain, and suddenly everything clicked into place in Craig's head. He moved quickly to grasp Ashley by the shoulders and pull her upright. She grunted and tried to push him off, but he held her still.

"What did you say to her?" he growled, but she remained silent and heavy in his hands. He set her back against the porch and turned to Ellie, who was watching with concern and mild frustration. "What did she say?"

"I don't know, it mostly seemed like nonsense to me. I don't even know where she heard it. She started going off about how Hill was "trouble", about how she got kicked out of Degrassi. Talking about how her parents don't really care about her..." Ellie explained, and Craig turned angrily back to the girl almost passed out on the ground. He grabbed her again and pulled her mercilessly into a sitting position.

"Why are you doing this, Ashley? I said I was sorry, what happened between us was MY fault, not hers. The only thing she's been worried about since she got here was your feelings, and you have to say something horrible to her. I know I hurt you, but you've got a lousy way of dealing with it." He cried, shaking her a little at the last. Her eyes finally opened and even in her still mildly drunken state he could see his words had sunk in just a little. He turned then and left her there on the porch, moving back into the house to find a ride so he could look for her.

* * *

Jay's car hummed softly as he guided it down the darkened streets. Hillary sat in the other seat, silently staring out the window. She had grown paler and paler, looking as though she had a tenuous grip on the contents of her stomach. Jay watched her facial expressions as he drove and finally pulled off into a gas station parking lot. As the car rumbled to a stop Hillary looked over at him, panicked.

"Why are we stopped?" she asked, posture growing more and more stiff as the seconds passed. He rolled his eyes and gripped the wheel to warm his hands.

"You looked like you were going to heave. I don't want you to throw up in my car." He told her, and her body relaxed a little.

"Well, I'm not going to. Don't worry." She replied, watching as he opened his door and shivered at the cold air that blew in. He crossed in front of the car and she opened her door. Standing up she called out after him. "Where are you going?"

"God, are you always this nervous?" he asked with a laugh, then motioned to the brightly lit gas station. "I need smokes, and you should eat something."

She got out and grabbed her purse, running after him across the parking lot. She slipped on a patch of invisible ice and skidded into him. He caught her arm and prevented her from falling, then moved quickly into the warmth of the store. The storekeeper was an older man who regarded them with suspicion. Hillary wondered what it would be like to be Jay, to always be looked at like you were about to steal someone or pull a gun.

Jay moved up to the counter to buy a pack of cigarettes and was carded. His ID was obviously fake, but he bought the cigarettes anyway. Hillary made herself a coffee and grabbed a small pack of saltines and arrived at the counter as Jay was moving to the side. She paid for her items and soon they were back in the car, which was just starting to warm up. She sipped her coffee quietly as he shifted the car into drive and eased it back onto the road. They rode in silence for a minute before Hillary's soft voice broke the stillness.

"Thank you." she said, and Jay smiled a little.

"Yeah, whatever." He replied nonchalantly. He paused a moment before turning to her again. "So, you're into that Manning kid, huh?"

"What makes you say that?" she asked, ripping open her crackers and turning to face him. His smile widened.

"It's pretty obvious. I mean, every chick in the whole school used to be into him. I always thought it was 'cause he played the guitar. Chicks dig the guitar. But since he screwed things up with Ashley and that grade nine no one has really paid any attention to him. In fact, you're the first girl I've seen near him since before break." He told her, and she giggled a little.

"You don't seem like the type to keep up on Degrassi gossip." She teased lightly, and he just shook his head.

"It's not gossip, I'm just observant. People don't think I pay attention, they think I'm just a thug. But I see a lot when people don't notice." He told her, and she was quiet in thought. Finally a question popped into her head and she asked it before she had a chance to think.

"So what's the deal with Sean and Emma?" she asked, and Jay laughed.

"You're friends with Emma, right?" he asked, and she nodded. "Then I'm probably the wrong person to ask. Emma and I don't get along, and she gets along less with my girlfriend. A lot less."

"Fair enough." She replied, and they were silent once again. "There's nothing going on between Craig and I."

"Um, okay." Jay said, taken aback by her sudden declaration. She could tell by his intonation that he didn't believe her, and for some reason she wanted him to.

"Really. It would never work." She told him, and he just shrugged.

"If you say so." He replied, and then turned to her again. "In my experience, those aren't the kind of decisions you get to make. Love just happens."

"I would never expect you to be so philosophical about love." She said, and he rolled his eyes.

"You sound like every other mindless drone at that school. I'm not just a criminal, though I'm sure that's what Emma's been saying. But whatever, you're going to have your ideas of me no matter what I say." He spoke, and Hillary watched him carefully.

"I'm sorry." She told him, and he just shrugged as the car pulled to a stop.

"Whatever. We're here." He replied, and Hillary looked up. There it was, her big dark house. Her brother was still out with his girlfriend Lindsay and would be gone until early morning. She sighed deeply as she collected her things and pulled on the door handle that would release her from the car. She smiled at him as she pushed herself out of the car.

"Thanks for the ride." She said, leaning down into the car to take her coffee cup. Jay nodded in response and she shut the door with a slam. The car pulled away from the curb and made its way down the street at a decidedly slower pace. She watched it go and then turned to make her way up to the empty house.


	27. In which Craig is happily confused

**27.** In which Craig is happily confused

_**I had been operating under the impression that if I could just figure out what was going on with Hillary I could correct it. It seems now, though, that I'm more lost than ever before.**_

Craig had gone home after riding around with Jimmy for a few hours. They had been combing the streets for Hillary, thinking she had walked off. No one had remembered seeing her leave the party, and Craig had her knee length black wool jacket in his arms. He was worried she was drunk and coatless in the middle of the icy January night. She could pass out in a snow bank and freeze to death. She wouldn't be the first to do so.

They didn't find her, and finally Jimmy had to go home. He dropped Craig off at Joey's, where he made repeated calls to Hillary's house. There was no answer, just a beeping that let him know she had unplugged the phone. He was slightly relieved that she had made it home, but worried about the events of the night and his unfortunate choice of words. He didn't sleep, just sat up and thought. When morning came he borrowed Joey's car and made a quick stop at the grocery store before making his way to Hillary's huge house on the hill.

When he arrived the door was locked, but he still remembered where they hid the spare emergency key. After a moment of rooting around in the soil of a nearby potted plant he pulled out a dirty silver key and jammed it into the lock. It turned easily and he let himself into the house. He wondered for a moment if Hillary's parents were home, but quickly shook off the thought with a short laugh. They were NEVER home.

He made his way up the stairs and to the right. Down the hall, exactly as he remembered it, was her room. The door was ajar and he pushed it a little. It swung open silently and he moved in to put down the brown paper bag he carried on her desk. The room was _a mess_. Clothes were everywhere, even piled at the foot of the bed.

Hillary lay on top, half covered by her thick black comforter. She still had her makeup on, but had changed into a lacy dark purple camisole and a pair of small, matching shorts. Craig felt his heartbeat quicken a little and silently chastised himself. He reached down and pulled the blanket up over her shoulder, and as he did she stirred a little. The peaceful look on her face was replaced by one of mild pain and major confusion. Her eyes fluttered open and he could see that she was already embarrassed.

"Oh God. Craig..." she moaned, burying her face into her pillow. "What I did last night... oh God..."

"Hill, it's okay. Ellie told me Ashley was talking about your parents, which is beyond harsh. Still, I don't think you should be pounding double vodka shots." He told her, laughing a little, and she finally pulled her head up. Their eyes met for a moment and he pushed her hair out of her face. He let his hand rest for a moment on her cheek and then grew serious. "About what I said..."

"No, Craig. I know what you meant. I was drunk, stupid. It's okay, I understand." She told him, and it was as if a giant weight had been lifted off his chest. He smiled again, and then frowned at the look that appeared on her face. Her head fell back into the pillow and her words emerged muffled. "Hangover."

At this he sprang into action, moving over to retrieve the bag he had placed on her desk. He carefully removed a large cup of coffee and then emptied the contents on the bed next to her. She sat up gingerly and accepted the coffee gratefully, then began to examine the items on her bed.

"I thought you might be feeling under the weather after all that you drank last night, so I stopped by the store on my way over." He explained, moving the items in question around a little. A smile spread widely over her face as she picked up the first. It was a giant bottle of aspirin, the gel-cap kind. There was a package of tropical fruit Skittles, which were her favorite, and a blue case which enclosed a video cassette. She turned it in her hands and smiled further at the lettering down the side. Peter Pan, the original musical play with Mary Martin as Peter. He looked a little sheepish. "Okay, so I went to the video store too..."

"Craig, this is really sweet." She told him, watching as he gathered the tape and pressed it into the VCR across from her bed. He pressed the play button and she tore into the Skittles. He opened the bottle of aspirin for her, digging out the cotton and tossing it into the waste basket. She ate a few Skittles and then three aspirin as the movie sprung to life. She smiled at Craig again, patting the empty spot on the bed next to her. He stared at her, incredulous.

"For real?" he asked, and she laughed.

"Yes, for real. Come watch it with me." She replied, and he slowly crawled up to sit next to her. Together they propped the many pillows against her thick wrought iron headboard and then leaned back. He could feel her settling in next to him, and slowly dared to take a peek at her. She gazed intently at the screen, giggling as the children began to sing a song about "happy thoughts".

Without thinking, it seemed, she was leaning more and more against him. Soon, her side was pressed up against his and her head was leaning on his shoulder. Nonchalantly she reached out and wove her hand into his. The shock of all this had rendered Craig speechless, and he found himself unable to watch the movie. Finally she gave his hand a gentle squeeze and he felt his heart getting lighter and lighter. He returned her squeeze and the focused his attention on the TV screen. The children were just flying off for Never-never-land. Once he tuned into the film is wasn't long before his eyes drooped and he dropped into a deep and peaceful sleep by her side.

* * *

**A/N – I have created a small website with a few pictures for this story.  The weblink is in my profile. **


	28. In which Emma learns a new skill

**28. **In which Emma learns a new skill

_Something in me has snapped. Caution to the wind, I'm tired of denying that I love him._

Hillary found near the end of the movie that her head no longer hurt and Craig had fallen asleep, slumped on her shoulder. She smiled at the peaceful look that had come over him. He had obviously not slept that night, and she worried it might be because of her. She shifted her weight and slowly lowered his head to her lap. He remained asleep and curled up further, wrapping his top arm around her legs as he would a stuffed animal. This motion caused Hillary to laugh out loud, then stifle the noise as he stirred a little.

She began to stroke his hair slowly as she thought about the decision she had come to the night before. Her conversation with Jay had been fairly eye opening, and she felt bad for being so suspicious of his motives. He had been right, though, and she realized more and more that loving Craig was just something she was going to do. There was no point in making them both miserable, no matter what the outcome would be.

She was just beginning to explore the issue further when Ryan appeared in her doorway. His eyes passed over the situation and he smiled a little. She motioned him over and he came to sit on his heels next to the bed.

"Did you just get in?" she asked, in a voice barely above a whisper. He nodded.

"Yeah. You have fun last night?" he wondered aloud, examining the tall coffee and large aspirin bottle with a raised eyebrow. She frowned sheepishly.

"I know, Ry. It won't happen again." She replied to the innuendo. He looked mildly concerned, but finally smiled and gave her hair a fluff.

"I trust you Hill." He told her, then pushed himself to a standing position. He yawned and then walked towards the door. "I'm going to sleep."

She waved a little as the credits began to roll on the screen. She looked down to where Craig still lay, huddled on her lap. She gently crawled out from his grasp and replaced the space where her legs had been with her nearby stuffed tiger. He grabbed it tightly and rolled over, face getting buried by a pillow.

She pulled the comforter up and over him, then delivered a gentle kiss to his head before moving out of the room. She walked into the bathroom and was accosted by the sight of her hair stuck completely flat on one side and completely out on the other. Here eyes were still rimmed with eyeliner, and glitter was stuck all over her body in the most interesting places. She laughed at her reflection as she stripped down and took a quick shower.

When she emerged from the steam filled bathroom Craig was still sleeping. She dressed quickly in a pair of baggy jeans and a lightweight army green tee shirt with an obscure band logo emblazoned on the front in yellow. She ran a brush carelessly through her wet hair and then went downstairs for something to eat.

She was just devouring some leftover Chinese when someone rang the doorbell. She could hear Ryan in the basement, beating loudly on his drum set. _He_ certainly wasn't about to get the door. Heaving a sigh she hopped off of her stool and carried the container to the door. Taking a bite of her shrimp lo-mien she pulled open the door and found Emma on the doorstep wringing her hands. When she saw Hillary she flew into her arms, causing the girl to choke a little on her makeshift brunch.

"Hey Em." Hillary spoke, pulling away to see if her friend was angry with her. Emma only looked relieved. "Sorry about last night..."

"Hillary, I'm just really happy you're okay. I was so worried, you were acting so oddly. What happened?" she asked, removing her coat and dropping her bag. Hillary shrugged as she took another bite of noodles.

"Long story. Strange ending. You hungry?" she asked, and Emma shook her head as she took off her shoes and followed Hillary back to the kitchen. Once there Emma took a seat at the island and Hillary threw her container away. "How was your Eco-Watch meeting?"

"It was great. Once the snow melts were going to plant trees near the old playground." Emma replied, watching as Hillary began to root through the fridge for something else to eat. She finally emerged with only a bottle of water, which she opened and quickly consumed half of. Emma turned her head toward the noise coming from the basement. "What _is_ that?"

"Oh, that's just Ry. I thought he was going to bed, but I guess he decided to mess around on his drum set instead." Hillary told her, leading the way through the living room and down the staircase into the cold basement. Emma followed, and looked surprised at the room she found beneath the surface of the large and immaculate house. The basement was unfinished, really, just four walls and a concrete floor. The walls were covered in band posters and strings of lights, and musical instruments were strewn everywhere. This was the last refuge of the Thomas children.

Ryan sat behind a set of drums, beating on them wildly. His blonde hair flew out around his face and he glistened slightly with sweat. Emma watched with amazement, though not for the reason that any other girl would have. Ryan was abnormally attractive, but what interested Emma the most was the sound coming from his instrument. There was a raw power behind it, a power that Emma was obviously looking to capture.

Hillary watched the look on Emma's face change and laughed quietly as she picked up a nearby guitar and plugged it into an amp. She strummed on it a little, giving it a little adjustment. She knew the song Ryan was playing and began to pick out the notes after him. Emma watched as the two collaborated without words, a song suddenly appearing from nowhere. Hillary knew her guitar skills were slightly sub-par. After all, she hadn't played in a year or so. Still, she could bang out a song here or there when she needed to.

The song ended and Ryan looked up at the audience he hadn't realized he had had. Hillary wondered where he thought the guitar was coming from, but didn't think too much on the subject. Most of her brother's actions were quite mysterious. Brother and sister shared a look, then both turned to gaze at Emma. Hillary motioned towards the girl with her head.

"Hey Ry, why don't you show Emma how to play?" she asked, and Ryan nodded. Emma looked suddenly stricken.

"Me? I don't know how..." she began, and Hillary interrupted her by standing and leading her over to Ryan.

"I know, hon. That's why Ryan is going to show you how." She explained, and Emma finally took the seat and accepted the drumsticks. Hillary smiled encouragingly as she returned to her own seat to practice her craft.

Ryan began with a few basic beats, explaining the best way to hold the sticks and the function of each drum. After a while Emma was moving proficiently on her own, and as time went on she became better and better. She seemed to have a natural talent for it. She and Hillary were just starting to play a Green Day song when Craig wandered down the staircase. He had been drawn to the noise, and now stood at the base of the stairs looking sleepy and disheveled.

He listened for a little, looking more and more awake by the minute. Emma was _good_, and Hillary could tell he had noticed. After a moment more he walked over to join Hillary on the couch. He listened until the song was over, then looked at Emma incredulously.

"Emma, you're amazing. How long have you been playing?" he asked, and she and Hillary shared a look. Emma smirked proudly.

"Oh, I'd say about an hour or so." She told him, and he sat back. Hillary put down her guitar and turned to Craig.

"You looked tired, I decided to let you sleep." She told him with a smile, and he looked at her as though he didn't know what to say. She knew he was still reeling from her sudden change of heart, but didn't really feel like explaining just then. Instead, she kissed his cheek and stood up to replace her guitar on the stand. Emma watched with extreme interest, then smiled at Hillary as she stood.

"My mom's going to be here soon." She told them, then turned to Ryan. "Thanks for the lessons, it was so much fun. Hill, I'll call you later. We need to talk."

Hillary nodded and smiled. Emma wasn't the only one she needed to talk to.


	29. In which Craig signs on the dotted line

**29. **In which the Craig signs on the dotted line

**_Confused as all hell, but excited to see what each new day will bring. Life just might be shaping up._**

Hillary had let him leave that evening without telling him what the deal was with her newfound perspective. He had shared a pizza with Hillary and Ryan and then ambled home, all the while pondering how this change in attitude could affect their relationship. Sunday passed without little more than a few movies with his little sister and homework, and Monday rolled around much more quickly than he would have liked.

On Monday morning he wandered into school and found Spinner, Jimmy, and Marco all clustered around a piece of paper attached to the wall. He wondered idly what on earth could have captured their apt attention as he moved in behind them.

"Battle of the Bands. Top prize 1000 dollars." He read aloud, and the three boys jumped a mile.

"Damn, Manning. Do you need bells around your neck or something?" Jimmy asked, and Craig responded with a smile. Spinner pointed to the paper and then wrapped an arm around Craig's shoulder. Together the four boys began to move towards the office.

"We're going to take that money, dude. It's practically in our pockets." Spinner told him, opening the door and pushing him into the secretary's desk. On the top of the desk was a list of bands that had entered. The list was short, but Spinner, Marco, and Jimmy had already printed and signed their names under the heading of DOWNTOWN SASQUATCH. All that was missing was Craig's signature. Marco retrieved a pen and pressed it into Craig's hand, and he looked at the other guys, panicked.

"Guys, we don't even have a song to play yet!" he cried, and Marco shook his head.

"We'll worry about that later. Sign now." He ordered, patting Craig on the back a little. The boy complied immediately, scrawling something illegible on the line indicated and dropping the pen onto the table. He stood upright and sighed with sudden satisfaction.

The four boys emptied the office then, pouring out back into the hallway. They paused a moment as the bell rang, signaling three minutes until the start of classes. They shared a glance.

"Practice, after school. Joey's garage." Craig told them, and they all nodded but looked at him strangely. He was wondering if he had something on his face when a pair of arms wrapped around his waist and nearly tackled him to the ground. He let out a cry, then turned to see Hillary beaming up at him. His heart jumped into his throat as he stood there with his arm around her shoulders. She gave him a final squeeze before pushing between Spinner and Marco and rejoining Emma on their way to their lockers.

"Morning!" she called back, waving a little as the two disappeared around the corner. The three other boys stared at Craig for a moment before scattering as the late bell rang. Girls could be so weird.


	30. In which Hillary makes a decision and a ...

**30.** In which Hillary makes a decision and a recruit

_There's nothing I used to like more than the feeling of being onstage. I've been told I have a fair singing voice, and enjoy playing the guitar. And so the real question becomes; Why let the boys have all the fun?_

After the late bell rang Emma and Hillary split up. Hillary went to poetry, where she found that Ashley was absent. She thought for a moment, then took the empty seat next to Ellie in the back. The redhead smiled as if she were happy to see her and Hillary breathed a sigh of relief.

"Hey Elle." Hillary whispered, peeking at Kwan to make sure she was still busy writing the days assignment on the board.

"Hey Hill." Ellie replied, also checking on Kwan before continuing the conversation. "Ash is really sorry about what happened at Hazel's party. I'm sure she'd tell you herself, but I think she's kind of ashamed of how she acted."

"Yeah, sure." Hillary replied, unsure as to whether Ellie was being sincere or not.

"I mean it. She feels really bad." Ellie assured her, and Hillary just shrugged a little. "So anyway, have you heard the new Elexis Bridge album?"

At this Hillary brightened and turned to face her friend, going off about how the album sounded completely more ska than punk. They were both talking quickly when they realized Kwan was looking at them with a silencing glare. Both girls quieted immediately and the lesson began.

Midway through class Ellie found that Hillary was covering a sheet of paper and wondered why the girl was suddenly taking such copious notes. Capturing the paper, Ellie began to read over the lines scribbled there.

"I remember when you were so young, and now I've seen how you have grown with nothing but a smile on your face. But now that times have changed you are wearing nothing but a frown..." She read aloud in a barely audible whisper, and Hillary recaptured her paper with a grin.

"It's a song I'm writing. I'm thinking of entering the battle of the bands." Hillary explained, and Ellie returned her smile.

"Hill, do you _have_ a band?" she asked, and Hillary shrugged.

"A minor detail. I really think it sounds like fun, it's been way too long since I sang on stage. I figured I could play guitar, maybe get my brother to work the drum set..." she listed.

"Do you need a bass player?" Ellie asked, and Hillary stopped listing and looked floored. She grabbed Ellie's hand excitedly.

"You play?" she asked, and Ellie nodded. Hillary was practically bouncing in her seat now, an idea already spinning in her head. "Want to be in the battle of the bands?"

"Isn't it kind of late to be forming a band? I mean, I practice a lot but we'd have to sound good together..." Ellie trailed off as she watched Hillary bobbing in place. She could already tell then that resistance would be futile. Hillary started to write more on the paper, scribbling frantically. She had an idea.


	31. In which the 'squatch has practice

**31.** In which the 'squatch has practice

_**With friends, especially when your friends are guys like Spinner, it's always important to take their advice with a grain of salt.**_

That afternoon Craig was still setting up the garage when the rest of the band arrived. Spinner was carrying his drumsticks in one hand and a pizza in the other. Craig didn't doubt that the whole thing was intended for Spinner's personal consumption. The boys settled in and tuned up, and Jimmy showed them all a new set of chords he thought they could make a song from. They slowly learned their parts, putting the pieces together. After a while they had a working song. The only thing that was missing was lyrics.

"Okay, Craig. Here's where we need your expertise and guidance. The song needs words, and the contest is next week..." Marco began, but Craig cut him off by strumming a few notes.

"I have lyrics. I wrote them a few years ago, found them in a box in my room last week." He told them cryptically, and Spinner looked at him with obvious skepticism.

"Wrote them a few years ago? What are they about?" he asked, and Craig flipped on the mic on the stand in front of him. He picked out a few of the notes of Jimmy's new song and began to sing.

"I can't see you as you drive away; didn't feel your kiss good-bye. I didn't know what I should say or do, I still don't know why..." he sang, carrying on into the bridge and then stopping short. Marco looked floored and Jimmy nodded.

"That'll work." He stated simply, turning to Spinner who nodded numbly.

"Hey Craig, you didn't happen to write this song about a certain someone, did you?" Marco asked, raising his eyebrows suggestively. Craig shuffled a little.

"Might be." He replied, then broke into a smile.

"What's the deal with you two, anyway? We all saw her public display this morning, and Hazel said you two had lunch together. You holding out on us, Manning?" Jimmy asked, giving the vocalist a playful tap on the arm. Craig just rolled his eyes and sunk onto the nearby couch.

"I wish. I have no idea what's going on with Hillary. She was telling me over and over again that we would never work and then I went to see her on Sunday morning and she was a completely different person. I want to ask her, but I'm freaked it might throw it all off. I don't want to go back to the way things were last week, the last two days have been amazing. I don't know..." Craig explained, and Spinner tapped both his head and his drum with his sticks in thought.

"That's dumb, man. Just ask her, make her tell you. What's the worst that could happen?" Spinner asked, and Marco and Jimmy shared a look and a laugh.

"You know what those are, don't you Craig?" Marco asked. Craig shook his head and Jimmy and Marco spoke in unison.

"Spinner's famous last words."


	32. In which Ashley and Hillary finally work...

**32.** In which Ashley and Hillary finally work it out

_As much as I loathe confrontation, the feeling you get when it's all resolved is totally, totally worth it._

The girls and boys had been practicing all week. Hillary's grand new idea of having Emma play the drums while Ellie and Hillary played guitar and sing had worked out marvelously, and they had learned Hillary's song with little problem. It had taken some convincing to get Emma to agree to play. Actually, it had taken an inordinate amount of convincing, along with tears and mild bribery. It wasn't that Emma didn't want to play; it was more that she was nervous about what people would think. She was Emma Nelson: Cosmic Crusader, not Emma Nelson: Rock Star. Together Ellie and Hillary finally had her convinced and they all practiced around their various other commitments.

The Thursday of the contest had arrived before anyone was really ready for it. Degrassi would be closed on Friday because of a college job fair, and so Thursday night the contest was being held in the gym.

The final bell rang on Thursday afternoon and Hillary rushed to her locker to drop off her stuff. She and the girls had emergency last minute practice at Emma's house, and she didn't want to miss her ride. She twirled the combination into the lock and pulled the door open with a rusty groan. She stuffed her things onto the top shelf and gathered up her messenger bag. After a moment of digging she unearthed her lucky guitar pick from the bottom of the bag and slammed the door shut.

It was then that she saw Ashley standing down the hallway a ways, staring at her. The anger in her eyes had faded a little, and now she just looked sad. Hillary watched warily as she moved closer. Ellie had said that Ashley was sorry for her harsh words at the party, but Hillary was still feeling cautious.

"Hi." She finally ventured, and Ashley smiled a little.

"Hey." Ashley replied, finally arriving to stand next to Hillary's locker. The two stared at each other for a minute before Ashley continued. "I'm sorry about what I said about your parents. I was so far gone."

Hillary just nodded, she didn't really know what to say. She wanted to tell Ashley how much the statement had really hurt, whether Ashley was drunk or not. But she also missed Ashley's friendship, missed the way they had been before the rave.

"Yeah..." Hillary began, about to spill everything she had thought and felt over the past week.

"I was just mad that you were going after Craig." Ashley cut her off, and Hillary's jaw dropped.

"Ashley, I was NOT going after Craig. We were just old friends, he was my ex. That's all it was." She cried, and Ashley sighed.

"But you knew he liked you. You lied to me." Ashley spoke.

"I didn't want to like him, Ashley. I tried, I didn't want to lose you as a friend. But I couldn't help that he still liked me. I thought if I said there was nothing there he'd stop caring. That I'd stop caring." She paused, and Ashley grew thoughtful. "But I didn't. So I fought against it. I tried not to like him, Ashley, I swear I did. But I couldn't help it."

"You should have just told me. I don't like Craig very much... okay, at all. But I want you to be happy. Honestly I do." Ashley explained and Hillary nodded. She could feel the emotion welling up between them and feared a sappy movie of the week ending to their conversation. To circumvent such a situation and prevent happy tears and hugging, Hillary gave Ashley a wry smile.

"Right back at ya, kid." She said, and Ashley broke into light laughter. It was music to Hillary's ears. Hillary joined for a moment, then grew serious again. She reached out a hand and placed it on Ashley's arm. "Really, though. I am sorry I lied to you."

"Yeah. I'm sorry I went psychotropic on you. I guess we're both kind of stupid." Ashley replied, and shot her friend a knowing smile. Hillary nodded in agreement and locked her arm with Ashley's. They began to walk down the hall.

"So, are you playing the battle of the bands?" Hillary asked as they passed the front mural.

"No, my band kind of fell apart since Terri's in the hospital." She told her, and Hillary nodded with interest.

"I don't think I know Terri." She replied, lost in thought.

"Well then, I've got a story for you..."


	33. In which Craig takes some bad advice

**33.** In which Craig takes some bad advice

_**There's no bigger adrenaline rush than singing on a stage in front of a crowd. Well, except maybe talking to a girl you like...**_

Craig could already feel the excitement racing through his veins when he arrived at Degrassi on Thursday night. The halls that had seemed so mundane just that morning were transformed, and he found a strange ambiance glowing around him as he sat on the steps and waited for it all to start. Marco was off talking with Dylan, and Jimmy was flirting with a herd of would-be groupies. Spinner sat nearby, headphones on, tapping along with an imaginary beat. Craig wished he has something similar to occupy him.

The only thing he found himself able to do was think about Hillary and worry about his outfit. It had taken him forever to pick out what to wear that night, he had stood in front of his dresser for what seemed like hours before picking out the right tee shirt and jeans combo. Finally he had settled on a black tee shirt, adorned on the front with a distorted face in white. His jeans were worn in, with a tear at the knee. He had even unearthed his old creepers, the ones he used to wear back in the days before Hillary left. They were uncomfortably tight, but somehow made him feel safe.

As if on cue, a car pulled up to the curb and the trunk popped open. The door opened next, and Emma stepped out. She was followed by Ellie, then Hillary. They all moved to retrieve their equipment from the open trunk and didn't see Craig just inside the doors. He considered going out to help them, but decided to watch for a minute instead. They looked gorgeous.

Emma had on more makeup than usual, and her hair was allowed to flow freely around her shoulders. It curled naturally into a wild wave that made her look intensely sexy. Ellie's long red hair fell straight to her shoulders, accented by the black rose she had pinned there. Her skirt was short and black, and a studded belt was slung low on her waist. She too looked extremely enticing.

But what really caught Craig's eye was Hillary. He had never seen her dressed thusly, even when he knew her before. Her skirt was a short, black and red plaid mini combination that flared out at the bottom. Her black tank top was barely visible under her black, tailored suit coat, which fell into a deep V shape at the neck and was held together with one button. On her feet were knee high black boots, and her hair was styled up in the back giving her a look like a lion. Her eyes were heavily lined, accenting the blue with a smokiness that made it hard for him to draw a breath. He found himself staring more and more intently when he discovered they could see him and rushed out to help them. The girls all shared a look, and Ellie rolled her eyes.

"What a gentleman." She stated, and the three girls laughed. He had been caught staring, and he knew it. He grinned sheepishly and colored slightly as he grabbed a handful of their equipment and waved to Ryan who was piloting the vehicle. Hillary grabbed her guitar and smiled at him, leading the way up into the school.

When they had reached the warmth of the school foyer Emma went to sign them in and Ellie began to pick at her bass. Craig watched as Hillary set down her guitar near Ellie. She smiled at him as she wrapped her arms around his waist. Her face was buried in his tee shirt, and the smell of her perfume was making him crazy. Finally, he decided to take Spinner's advice, and grabbed her hand. He led her over to an alcove, where they were just out of earshot of both the other girls and boys.

"Hill, we've got to talk." He said, still keeping a firm grip on her hand. He couldn't screw this up. "I need to know where we stand. What are we doing?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, slipping a free finger into his belt loop. She tugged him a little closer and he swallowed in order to continue his original speech.

"You know what I mean. Us. What are we?" he asked, and her face fell. Her hand pulled away from his and the pressure on his hip was gone. She leaned against the wall and gazed down at her boots.

"I don't know, Craig. I don't know what we are." She told him, and he tried to recapture her hand.

"Hill, for real. Last week you told me there could never be anything between us, and now it's like you've changed your mind. I don't know what to think, or what to do... I'm going crazy here, Hill." He cried, finally capturing her gaze. She sighed.

"I know, Craig. I'm sorry. I just need time." She replied, fiddling with one of her rings.

"Time? Hill, it's been three years. How much more time could you possibly need?" he asked, and her face changed immediately. Thinking he had really screwed it up he pressed on. What could possibly make it worse? "Really, Hillary. You're like one big mixed signal. You're like an enigma. An enigma wrapped in a puzzle, wrapped in... wrapped in a quandary!"

"Craig." She interrupted, taking his arm again. He pressed on further.

"No, Hill. You've got to tell me, I need to know. How do you feel about me?" he asked, and her eyes grew wider.

"Craig..." she interrupted again, and this time he took her by the shoulders.

"What?" he finally asked, and she pointed past him to where Marco and Jimmy were frantically motioning him to come to the back door. He sucked in a hasty breath.

"I think you're supposed to be on." She told him, giggling a little as he took off for the stage door. When he arrived there Marco rolled his eyes and ran up onto the stage. Jimmy pressed a guitar into his hands and then gave him a little push up the steps. Once on the stage Craig felt his heart stop for a second.

The gym was full to capacity and the lights were blinding him. The crowd was pumped, pressed up against the stage like a real rock concert, and the pit was forming towards the back even though the filler track playing was some form of Indian polka. Craig gulped another breath and felt it settle like a rock in his stomach. He knew he was being watched by hundreds of people. But there was only one that mattered. He hoped she was listening.


	34. In which Hillary falls in love all over ...

**34.** In which Hillary falls in love all over again

_Just when you think you have someone all figured out, they go and do something incredible that only reminds you of why you love them. And I love him._

Hillary watched as Craig was pushed up on stage, laughing a little. Ellie came over and grabbed her hand, and together they snuck into the gym to watch. They stood in the back, just outside of the pit. Both girls had to stand on the bleachers so they could see over the crowd, and when Hillary caught sight of Craig up on stage she had two reactions. One was an unintentionally swoon which caught her off guard. He looked just _too_ hot for words. The other was an equally unintentional giggle. He was already glistening a little from the heat and his face was stuck on "deer in headlights". His mouth was open a little and he gaped at the crowd. After a moment of nothing happening Hillary began to worry he might be suffering from impromptu stage fright.

"C'mon, Craig. Sing." She whispered, silently willing him to move. His eyes flickered in her direction and he smiled at her. Finally he gave the sign to Spinner, who counted off the beat. The song began with a crash, and continued without vocals for a moment before Craig stepped up to the mic.

"I can't see you as you drive away; didn't feel your kiss good-bye. I didn't know what I should say or do, I still don't know why. There's no words that can describe my pain, there's no recipe or cure. Maybe there is something I don't know, only one thing is sure..." he sang, and Hillary's heart stopped. It was a song, the one he had written about her leaving. She remembered reading a copy of it in one of his letters. It was her favorite. Marco joined in for the chorus.

"...that I will miss you endlessly, and there's nothing I can do, 'cause I will never ever see, how beautiful my world would be with you." they sang together, before launching into Jimmy's guitar solo.

"I know your love was true and pure, and though you broke my heart, I don't regret a single thing, I just know for sure, that I will love you _endlessly_..." Craig roared, and the crowd went crazy. Even Hillary found herself clapping as she was dragged out the door by Emma. They were on next. Hillary could feel the tears in her eyes and tried to quell them without letting them fall and smudging her eyeliner. It would be no good to go onstage looking like a coke fiend. Ellie gave her a quick comforting hug as they entered through the back door. Hillary was clutching her guitar for support as Craig and the other boys tumbled down the stage steps, high on adrenaline. She and Craig stood and stared at each other for a moment, and while there was movement all around them the world seemed still and quiet. She smiled at him broadly.

"That was beautiful." She told him, and he smiled down at her. They stood there for another minute before Emma again grabbed her arm and hauled her up onto the steps. They were halfway to the stage when Hillary broke away, leaping off the stairs and falling guitar and all into Craig's waiting arms. She kissed him hard, kissed him for all the lost moments in the three years she had been letting her past run her life. After a second she pulled away and they were both breathless. She hopped out of his arms and ran up the stairs again. She had a song to sing.


	35. In which Craig's question is answered

**35.** In which Craig's question is answered

_**Of all the ways she could have answered the questions eating my brain, this was without a doubt the best.**_

Craig watched as Hillary plugged her guitar into the nearby amp. The grin on his face was practically permanent as he absolutely refused to move. From where he stood backstage he had a perfect view of Hillary, a secret view that only he could enjoy. He ran his tongue over his lips again and again, remembering the taste of her cherry lip gloss. She grinned at him as the announcer read off their name. They were called _The 3:00 Hope Project_, though Craig had no idea what this meant. She winked at him a final time before turning to the audience and starting to play.

She and the other girls were _good_. Especially Emma, whose frail body seemed to be moved by an invisible force. Her slender arms came down with a force equal to or greater than Spinners and her sense of the beat was incredible. They play a little of the song and finally Hillary stepped up to sing.

"You will always be a part of me, no matter what the case may be. If you just give me some time to try, you will always have me by your side. I'm always here to make you feel alright..." she began, and Ellie joined in for the chorus.

"Do you remember? I remember when you were so young, and now I've seen how you have grown with nothing but a smile on your face. But now that times have changed you are wearing nothing but a frown, now every time I see you, you look so down..."

"But do you remember?" Hillary sang, breaking back into solo. Her voice crashed over Craig as he let the fullness of her words sink in. "I remember that I love you, remember that I care, I remember you mean so much to me..."

This time it was Craig who had the tears in his eyes as he watched her thrash into a guitar solo. She looked so beautiful, so full of life. Besides that, she had said it. She said that she loved him. That moment was more perfect than any of the times he had imagined it, more amazing than he could ever have played it out in his head. Perfect.

The song ended and the girls came running off the stage. The crowd roared behind them, but all Craig saw was her. She dropped her guitar by the stairs and fell happily into his arms. Ellie picked up Hillary's discarded instrument and they all moved out into the cooler hallway where Spinner, Jimmy, and Marco were all arriving from watching the performance.

"Emma, you can _thrash_!" Spinner cried, and the girl blushed at the unexpected compliment.

"Yeah, Elle. You guys were awesome." Marco said, turning to Hillary. Craig was holding her tightly, as if she were about to slip away. "That song was incredible."

Hillary smiled at the comment, but her eyes refused to leave Craig's. In his heart he knew that her smile was only for him. He grinned happily as he leaned in to kiss her. At first the kiss was soft and quick, but as he pulled back she reached up and kissed him again. They were lip locked for several more seconds before Jimmy cleared his throat.

"Hey lovebirds, they're about to announce first prize." He told them from his place in the door. The two others joined him there and listened as they announced prizes. Some local metal band called _November Lee_ took the top prize, followed by an all girl hardcore punk band called _Bleeding Roses_. In fact, neither _Downtown Sasquatch_ nor _The 3:00 Hope Project_ placed. Still, for at least two of their members, it didn't matter.


	36. In which Craig and Hillary have a heart ...

**36.** In which Craig and Hillary have a heart to heart and Craig finds his inspiration

_It's taken a lot for me to get over the loss of Jake in my life. It's taken even more for me to get over the guilt I placed on myself and the feelings about myself I got from my parents. But I guess everyone gets a little redemption in their lives. Craig is my redemption._

After the contest that night, Craig drove Hillary home. Spinner was hooting as the two got into Joey's car, and Craig shot him a murderous look. Hillary only laughed a little and waved as they drove off. They arrived at her house late, and went up to her room to listen to music and relax. When they got to her room, Craig flopped down on the bed and Hillary went to the bathroom to change. When she emerged her eyes were still rimmed a little with black, and her hair still stuck up. She had traded her short skirt for a pair of jeans and her blazer and tank for a long sleeved black thermal shirt. She flipped on the stereo and one of her favorite songs poured out.

**I had these dreams that I learned to play guitar   
****Maybe cross the country   
****Become a rock star   
****And there was hope in me that I could take you there   
****But damn it you're so young   
****Well I don't think I care   
****And if I hurt you   
****Then I'm sorry   
****Please don't think that this was easy**

She hummed along as she sat down next to him on the bed. She lay down by his side, wrapping an arm around his waist and resting her cheek on his chest. She listened to his heart beat through his tee shirt and then rested her hand there. She could feel the vibrations in his chest as he began to sing along.

"Spin around me like a dream, played out on this movie screen. And I said: Did you know I missed you?" he sang, stroking her hair out of her face. She squeezed him a little, and he sat up. She sat up as well, and he kissed her softly. She kissed him and then broke into a smile. He smiled as well, laying a finger on her bottom lip. She giggled a little, and he eyed her with interest before asking, "What?"

"Nothing." She replied, then giggled again. He looked at her with disbelief and she kissed him again. "I just missed you."

"I missed you too, Hill. So much." He told her, watching as she lay back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. He could see the tears hiding just behind her eyes and he quickly reached out to take her hand. "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry." She told him, voice cracking a little as she finally turned her eyes back to him.

"For _what_? What on earth do you have to be sorry for?" he asked, and she grabbed a nearby pillow to clutch to her chest.

"For everything. For wasting so much time. I was just scared." She replied, and he still looked confused.

"Scared of what?" he questioned, and her eyes flew shut. She was silent for a moment before answering.

"I was scared I'd do to you what I did to Jake." She finally told him, and his face grew immediately angry.

"Did to... Jake? Hillary, you didn't do anything to Jake! He had problems. If anything, you helped him. Frankly, he's a bastard for writing that note. I can't believe you thought I'd ever do that to you!" he cried, voice becoming louder and louder. He was nearly screaming when he saw that she really did have tears in her eyes. He stopped immediately and drew her into a tight embrace. He could feel her tears on his shoulder but she was crying silently. He stroked her hair for a moment before pulling away and taking her face in his hands. Using his thumbs he wiped away the moisture on her cheeks and made sure he had her full attention before speaking. "Hillary, I swear I would never, ever do that to you."

"I know." She replied, sniffling a little. "I really do."

"Good." He told her with a smile that slowly spread to her. "Cause I love ya, kid."

They both laughed at the old joke and he kissed her forehead before leaning over the edge of the bed to where he had stashed his bag. He retrieved his camera and then hopped to his feet. Hillary was wiping the tears from her eyes when she looked up and saw him poised to snap a photo.

"Craig!" she screeched with a laugh, trying to grab his ankles and pull him down before he could succeed at his task. She held up a hand and he snapped the picture anyway. He knew he'd have a rather odd shot of her fingers when it was developed. He grinned at her and she pouted playfully. "Please, Craig! I'm all blotchy and spotted and bloated from crying. It's cruel to create photographic evidence!"

"Hillary Anne, you look beautiful." He told her, and she lowered her hand. He had used her middle name, which indicated he meant business. He took a few more pictures before kneeling back down on the bed and placing his camera on the night stand. Hillary was lying on the bed again, and her eyes were beginning to droop. Suddenly a loud thrashing song started to pour out of the speakers and Craig moved quickly to quiet it. He flipped off the power and turned back to the bed, where Hillary was curled up. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was growing more even by the second. Craig smiled to himself as he placed a kiss on her head and pulled the blanket over her gently. She sighed a little as he flipped off the light and moved towards the door. He stopped for just a moment to take a last look before he closed the door behind him. He hoped this was the beginning of good things.

* * *

**A/N – This is not the ending of the story. There are, in fact, 11 more chapters on the way (though the length of these chapters has yet to be determined). There is a lot more drama to come. Thanks to all my reviewers, you guys are so great to keep leaving me comments. They completely make my day. If you're reading and haven't been leaving comments please do. They make me so totally happy!**


	37. In which Craig's sordid past comes back ...

**37.** In which Craig's sordid past comes back to haunt him

_**I really thought that everything would be smooth sailing after that night with Hillary. It turns out that us getting back together was just the beginning of a series of catastrophes that neither of us was prepared for.**_

It was nearly two months after the night of the battle of the bands that Craig walked into the pharmacy on the corner of Campbell and Andrews. Since that night his life had just fallen into place. It seemed each thing had just shifted right to where it had always belonged. He and Hillary were inseparable. Since that night they had been dating and oh-so-in love.

Also that night was the moment he reclaimed photography. Since that first picture of Hillary he had been unable to stop, shooting shots of anything and everything he could find. Hillary was still his favorite subject, and he had shot endless rolls of her in various locales. At one point he had even gotten her to do a costumed photo shoot.

That afternoon he had shot a roll of her lying in the grass in her backyard. Spring had come early and huge colorful flowers had already sprung up on her lawn. He had dropped the roll off earlier for developing. He missed having his own darkroom, but since he was having his photos professionally developed he had been able to start experimenting with color.

He paid the man at the photo counter, who handed him a stack of prints. Craig thanked him and turned to leave. He was sifting through various shots when he came across one in particular. It was an amazing photo of Hillary on the grass in front of the flowers. Her hair was falling in her face and the flower looked as big as her head. He smiled as he walked, not noticing the person in his path.

They collided with a thud, and Craig's pictures went flying in all directions. The person in his path landed hard on the ground, their things scattering as well. Craig looked down in surprise and found Manny lying there, looking bewildered. He offered her a hand up, which she accepted cautiously.

"Sorry, Manny. I'm in my own little world today." He told her, and she just nodded vaguely as she began to gather up the pictures. Craig joined her in collecting the prints, but watched her motions carefully. She didn't look good. She was pale, and under her eyes were violet half moons. She handed him the stack she had collected and then moved to retrieve another. It was then that Craig found what she had been carrying wedged behind his foot. At first he didn't have the slightest idea what the thing was, but upon closer examination he deduced it was a home pregnancy test. When she saw he had it in his hands she reached out and snatched the kit. He gazed at her, confused. "What's that for?"

"Class project." She lied, and he knew it.

"What class?" he asked, and she shrugged. She was obviously an emotional wreck because she snapped then.

"What do you _think_ it's for, Craig?" she cried, and he just looked at her. She began to fiddle with the cross hanging around her neck, and Craig shuffled his feet.

"How do you know?" he asked, and she rolled her eyes.

"I'm late. Very late." She replied, and his face went blank.

"Late for what?" he spoke, face remaining blank. Her mouth fell open and her head shook with disbelief.

"Are you seriously this clueless when it comes to girls? Did you not you have health class?" she cried again, and a sudden look of understanding filtered over his features.

"Oh." He breathed, not knowing what else to say. Finally he gulped and asked his next burning question. "Do you know who the father is?"

At this Manny's eyes filled with tears and she looked up at him with a mixture of shock, anger, and hurt. She took the remaining pictures she had collected and shoved them into his hands, then picked up her bag and turned on a heel. She was halfway to the counter when she turned. Craig was still standing in the middle of the aisle, looking concerned and confused. Her voice was barely a whisper, and he strained to hear her.

"If there is a baby, Craig Manning, then it's yours. Of course it's yours." She told him, a sudden tear escaping to slide down her cheek. With this she turned and resumed her walk to the counter. Craig's heart had almost stopped completely and he was shaking hard. He looked down to the picture in his hands. The picture of Hillary was creased now, crumpled across the center.


	38. In which Craig tells the truth

**38.** In which Craig tells the truth

_I really wondered when I figured out it was Craig who had dated Manny and Ashley at the same time... I wondered how neither of them knew him well enough to know he was lying. Honestly, he's just a terrible liar._

Hillary was standing at the stove, cooking chicken for a dinner their first maid had taught her how to make. Ryan was at Lindsay's and wouldn't be back till late, and so when the front door slammed she was surprised. She turned the fire down on the stove and moved cautiously into the foyer, where she found Craig standing in the dark. She hurried over to flip on a nearby lamp and then turned her eyes to his. He was staring rather blankly at the wall, and was clutching a stack of pictures tightly in his hand.

"Craig?" she asked softly, and he finally turned his eyes to her. She moved over slowly and took the pictures from him. She glanced at them briefly before putting them down on the end table and pulling off his light jean jacket. She laid the jacket on a chair and then took his arm to turn him. Her eyes were clouded with concern. "Craig, are you okay?"

He didn't say anything, just stared at her for a minute. Finally he leaned over and engulfed her in a tight, desperate hug. She held him tightly for a moment before pulling back to catch his eye again. He sighed deeply and she took his hand to lead him back to the warmth and light of the kitchen. She pushed him up on a stool and touched his shoulder gently.

"Craig, what's wrong?" she asked, and he just shook his head.

"Nothing, nothing. It's probably nothing." He said, and her eyebrows were enough to show that she did not believe him.

"Seriously, Craig. What's wrong?" she asked again, and he sucked in a breath.

"I said it was nothing!" he snapped, and she just sighed. His eyes flickered with regret and he pulled her into another hug. "I'm sorry, Hill. I didn't mean to yell."

She nodded a little as she pulled out of his embrace and looked at him expectantly. She could tell he wanted badly to talk about whatever it was but at the same time seemed scared of what she would say. Finally she placed a hand on his knee.

"Whatever it is, Craig, it's probably better to just come out with it." She told him, and he exhaled a shuddery breath. He nodded slowly and his mouth opened just a little.

"Manny might be pregnant." He spoke in a quick, quiet breath. Hillary nodded as she checked on the stove. Craig could tell she didn't understand the consequences of what he had said. "Hill, if she is... I'm the dad."

Hillary dropped her fork then and it landed with a loud noise on the tile floor. Craig jumped from his seat and rushed to her side. He grasped her arm tightly as if he expected her to pass out. She turned to him, a fury in her eyes he hadn't seen in a long, long time. His eyes grew wide as well, and his face shifted into a pained expression.

"Craig I can't _believe_ you..." she started, but he cut her off.

"I'm so sorry, Hill. This happened before you even came back..." he tried to explain, but she pulled her arm away.

"You think I'm mad because I think you cheated on me? Craig, I'm not stupid, okay? I know this all happened before I came into the picture. I can't believe this..." she cried, pacing the length of the counter before coming back to face him. He was obviously very, very confused at that point. He had expected her to be mad about the fact that he had been with another girl.

"Well, if that's not it... what is it? I mean, I know I might have gotten a girl pregnant but..." he began, but this time she cut him off.

"It's not just that, Craig. Getting a girl knocked up is universally stupid, but that's not even the worst of it. Do you _know_ how stupid it is to have sex without a condom? Do you?!" she was screaming now, and he was becoming more and more afraid he was going to lose her.

"Well, yeah. I get it; I'm like a walking sex warning." he replied, and she threw her hands into the air.

"No, you don't get it. Babies are one thing, STD's are another. Even if Manny had been on the pill, did you _ask_ if she had ever slept with anyone else?" she asked, and he stuttered a little.

"Well, uh, no... I just assumed I was the first..." he said.

"You assumed. And what if she did have an STD, Craig? It's like playing Russian roulette with your health. With your _life_!" she cried, storming off into the living room. In an instant he realized he hadn't even thought about the possibility of getting an STD. Craig was going to follow when he saw smoke rising from the burner. His eyes grew wide as he grabbed a nearby potholder and tried to move the frying pan off the heat. He ended up burning the tip of his finger. Once he had the fire off, he stuck his finger in his mouth and moved towards where Hillary had gone.

He found her sitting in the dark living room. She was in the arm chair, knees drawn up to her chest. He could tell she was crying a little, and it killed him that he was the cause of her pain. He crossed the room and sat down on the arm of the chair. After a moment or so of silence he cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry, Hill. I didn't even think." He told her, and slowly her face rose to meet his. She nodded a little.

"I know. I overreacted, I'm sorry. It's just... one of my only friends at school in France had to drop out because of an STD. She got HIV from her boyfriend, who had been sleeping with another girl. What a way to find out your boyfriend is cheating on you, huh?" she spoke, voice cracking a little. Craig slipped down into the seat next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. He drew her into another tight hug and she held him back desperately.

"I would never cheat on you, Hill." He announced, and she nodded into his shoulder.

"I know. I just can't stand the thought of you going through something like that. I can't stand the thought of losing you." she replied, and he stroked her hair a little. It was softer than he had ever felt. She had obviously been playing in the rain again.

"If you want, I'll go get tested tomorrow." He told her, and she squeezed him tighter.

"I love you, Craig." She spoke, and he laid a kiss on the top of her head.

"I love you too." He replied, and was quiet for a moment. "So what if she is pregnant?"

Hillary pulled away from his enfolding arms and wiped her face. She reached out to flip on the lamp and her face grew thoughtful. She was silent for a moment before she could work out her thoughts.

"Well, I guess you'd be a daddy then." She told him, and he smiled.

"What about you?" he asked, and she smiled at him.

"Craig, I'd love any baby that was yours. Even if it wasn't mine." she replied, and his grin became enormous.

"Really? Hillary, you are the best girlfriend _ever_." He cried, and she smiled.

"Yeah, I know." She replied playfully, and then her nose wrinkled. "What's that smell?"

"Do you remember cooking chicken?" he asked, holding up his singed finger and smiling a little. Her mouth dropped open as she grabbed his hand and pulled it closer. He winced at the pain the movement caused and her eyebrows furrowed ruefully.

"Oh my god, Craig! Are you okay?" she asked, pressing her lips gently to his wound. He nodded a little and his smile widened. She moved her lips to his, offering him a soft kiss.

"I'm sure I'll be just fine."


	39. In which Craig does some thinking

**39.** In which Craig does some thinking

_**I thought that the possibility of Manny being pregnant would ruin everything. I thought I would lose all I have because of what I did. But the more I think about it, this could just be the miracle I've been waiting for.**_

Craig left Hillary's that night soon after they had finished their discussion. He could tell she was still a little angry with him, but hoped it would subside after he went to the clinic to get himself tested. Riding down the road in silence he let his mind take over.

He started to think about everything. About Manny, the possibility of a baby, about Hillary's varied reaction. He wondered if it would be a boy or a girl, wondered who it would look like. He began to imagine the child that could be his, the little family he could create out of nothing.

It had been so long since he had a family to call his own. Sure, Angie was his sister, but she had a father and their bond was infinitely stronger. Joey played the part of his father, but when Craig watched him with Angie he couldn't help but feel a tinge of jealousy at the natural relationship the two shared.

He sighed contentedly at the family blossoming in his head. Sure, Hillary wasn't the mother... but hadn't she just said she'd love any baby that was his? He wondered if this was just talk. He sincerely hoped it wasn't. As much as the idea of having a baby suddenly appealed to him, he didn't think he could go through losing the love of his life again.

He pulled into Joey's driveway and let the car idle for a minute before shutting it off and pulling the keys from the ignition. He grabbed his bag and slowly made his way up to the door. Once inside the house he heard Joey's voice calling him to tell him someone was on the phone. Craig called back a thank you before picking up the nearby handset.

"I got it!" he called, pressing the receiver to his ear. "Hello?"

Silence greeted him, then the click of the other receiver being hung up. Craig tucked the phone between his shoulder and ear and reached down the pick up his bag. He repeated his phrase as he sifted through his bag in search of his Geometry book. Suddenly he could make out low breathing on the other end of the line.

"Craig?" a soft, uncertain voice asked. It was Manny. Craig hadn't heard her sounding that young since they had first dated back in grade nine. Craig dropped his bag and took off up the stairs. He slammed the door to his room shut and focused again on the receiver.

"Manny? What's going on?" he asked, and there was another long period of silence before the response came.

"I'm pregnant." Was the simply reply, her voice quivering. The declaration was punctuated by a soft click, and Craig realized she had hung up on him.

"Manny? Manny?!" he called into the phone, before hanging it up to dial her house. There was no answer, and though he tried again and again there was still no response. Finally he laid the phone on his bed and heaved a sigh. A father at 16. Who would have guessed?


	40. In which Hillary and Emma have a talk an...

**40.** In which Hillary and Emma have a talk and Hillary makes a discovery

_Okay, so maybe I had lied a little bit when Craig asked me how I felt about him having a baby. I didn't lie about the fact that I would love any baby that was his. He's my best friend. But somehow I think what got lost in translation was how crummy of an idea I thought it was. I mean sure, the thought of one day marrying Craig had crossed my mind more than a few times. Still, I don't think he's ready to be a dad._

Hillary was passing by the MI lab late on Monday afternoon when she spotted Emma working at one of the computers. Emma had spent Spring break in Quebec visiting family, and Hillary had not talked with her since the last day of school nearly a week and a half ago. Hillary was reminded suddenly that had been the day Craig had told her about Manny. Things certainly changed for them _all_ that day.

She had passed the day without seeing Emma, and was desperate for social interaction. In fact, she hadn't seen anyone really, not even Craig. She had spent the morning with Ashley and Ellie, and it had killed her not to talk about Craig and Manny. When she finally saw Emma that afternoon she jumped on the possible chance to spill her guts. She turned the corner and slid silently into the seat next to the blonde, who jumped a mile.

"Whoa Hill! You scared me!" she cried. Her face then grew concerned and she wrapped her arms around Hillary's shoulders. Hillary allowed the embrace but then pulled back, confused. She looked at Emma as if she were crazy.

"Hey Em. You okay?" she asked, and then it was Emma's turn to look at her strangely.

"I'm fine. I thought you'd be upset. Manny called me in Quebec to tell me all about the pregnancy..." Emma began, then trailed off as her mouth dropped open. "Oh my god, did Craig not tell you?"

"Tell me what?" Hillary asked, face blank. She saw the panic on Emma's face and quickly broke into laughter. "Em, of course he told me. He spent the entire break picking out names..."

Emma's brow furrowed and she eyed her friend closely. Hillary mimicked her look comically, but Emma was really growing concerned about her friend. She reached out and took Hillary's hand.

"You're not upset at all that your boyfriend got another girl pregnant?" she asked, watching closely to see if the truth revealed itself in Hillary's wide eyes. Hillary shrugged a little.

"Well sure, it's not ideal... but I left him, remember? I can't really complain about what he did while I was gone, can I?" she asked, and Emma shrugged as well.

"I guess not. I know I wouldn't be happy, though." She stated, and Hillary's face grew unintentionally serious.

"Who said I was happy?" she whispered, and Emma gave her a little squeeze and comforting smile.

"I'm sorry, Hill." Emma spoke, and Hillary didn't say anything. The two were quiet for a moment before the silence was broken by approaching footfalls. They both turned and saw Manny hurrying down the hall. Hillary hopped to her feet and moved towards the door. Manny stopped for a moment to examine this sudden motion and then quickly continued her walk. Hillary moved out into the hall and Emma followed her with curiosity. Hillary and Emma were standing in the center of the hall, watching Manny's back as she quickened her pace.

"Manny!" Hillary called, and Manny froze. She turned slowly, and Hillary could see sparkles of fear in her eyes. She stifled a giggle at the thought that this girl could even be remotely afraid of someone as puny as herself. She swallows the urge to say something rude and smiled a little. No point burning bridges with your boyfriend's child's mother. "Can I talk to you?"

"I'm sorry." Manny said, and Hillary and Emma shared a glance. Manny took a step forward and continued. "I know you probably want to scream at me, but I'm already really sorry."

So that was it. It was a preemptive strike. Manny was expecting her to freak out and go psycho girlfriend. Hillary again felt like laughing but shook her head instead.

"I don't want to yell at you. Actually, it's the opposite. I just wanted to let you know I'm not going to make this any harder for you than it already is." Hillary spoke, then cringed at the sound of her own voice. God, did she sound like old Polo shirt Hillary again. Manny's face drained of its fear, but the sadness still remained. She sighed deeply.

"Well, you don't have to worry about it." She spoke.

"Worry about what?" Hillary asked, growing confused. Manny sighed again.

"I've taken care of it." She replied simply, and both Hillary and Emma bristled at the intonation. They were both hoping they had guessed the meaning of her words wrong.

"Taken care of it?" Hillary repeated, turning the phrase around so it was a question. Manny nodded, and from the look in her eyes Hillary knew exactly what she meant. She was about to be angry, but Emma beat her to it.

"Manny, how _could_ you?" she screamed, and both Hillary and Manny jumped at her sudden vocalization.

"Em, I..." Manny began, but Emma cut her off.

"Of all the selfish things you could have done... did you even _think_ about your child?" she asked, voice raising to a more shrill pitch. Tears were appearing in Manny's eyes then.

"Em, I can't be a mom at fourteen. I just _can't_." Manny cried, but it was Emma who had the tears streaming down her face. Her cheeks were flushed, and it was only a few seconds before Hillary realized why; she could see Manny in her mother's position, herself in the baby Manny would never have. Emma turned then and stormed off towards the foyer. Hillary watched her go and was going to follow when she realized she was angry for a different reason.

"Manny, did you think about Craig before you went and did this? It was his baby too! He's going to be heartbroken!" she spoke, and Manny cringed at her words.

"I know, I'm sorry. I would have told him first, I swear... but my mom. I told her, and she drove me straight to the clinic. I didn't even have time to pick up the phone. That was last week, and since then I've just been so ashamed. She's making me go north, to a private all girls' school. I just came back to clean out my locker." She explained, and Hillary's features softened. She still thought it was a low move, but she could tell Manny was on the edge and didn't feel like being the one to push her over. Rather than saying something mean Hillary turned and walked quickly to the foyer. She could hear Manny's tears behind her and Emma's tears in front of her.

When she reached the entrance to the school she found Emma curled on the bench in front of the Degrassi sign. Emma heard her approach and her head lifted just a little. They shared a brief glance before Emma buried her head again. Hillary didn't say anything. She knew Emma's sense of empathy was far too big, and caused her to feel everything way too personally. Anything Hillary could say would be totally inappropriate.

Silently Hillary moved in to sit next to her friend, wrapping an arm around the girl's thin, shaking shoulders. She stroked Emma's long gold hair as she watched the sun sink behind the clouds. Her mind was elsewhere, though, because she knew one thing. She was going to have to tell Craig.


	41. In which Hillary must be the bearer of b...

**41.** In which Hillary must be the bearer of bad news

_**How did this happen?**_

Craig parked Joey's car in the student lot. He considered how, under the circumstances, he was lucky Joey was letting him take the car so much. He wondered if his car driving privileges would decrease once Joey found out about Manny being pregnant. He pushed the eventual confrontation to the back of his mind and hurried up the steps to the school. His fingers pulled idly at the tiny round adhesive attached to the inside of his elbow. It still itched where they had drawn blood. When he entered the school he saw Hillary and Emma seated down by the gym.

"Hey ladies." He called, making his way down to see them. He had come in search of Hillary, he had good news. They both looked like they could use some good news. Hillary was abnormally pale and Emma's eyes were puffy and red. She stared off into the setting sun blankly. Craig was immediately distressed by their condition. "Emma, Hill... are you guys ok?"

"Craig, we need to talk." Hillary told him, giving Emma a final squeeze before standing up and taking his arm. He looked back at Emma as Hillary led him down and around the corner. Emma was still staring at nothing when they passed out of sight and into the deserted hallway. He let his feeling of foreboding pass as they arrived at their destination. He turned to Hillary and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips before smiling.

"I missed you today, Hill." He began, and her eyes remained sad. "I stopped by your house to see you after I went to get my test results, but your brother said you were staying late for spring chorus tryouts. I tested negative, Hill, I'm perfectly healthy."

"That's wonderful, Craig." She told him, managing a small smile as she took his hand. She was shaking a little and Craig wondered why. A sudden thought occurred to him.

"While I was waiting for my results I thought of another name..." he started, and her smile disappeared.

"Craig..." she tried to interrupt.

"No wait, let me finish before I forget. I was thinking if it was a girl she could be named Kaeli. I've always liked that name, Kaeli..." he spoke, and he felt Hillary clutch his hand tighter.

"Craig, please..." she tried again, and he flashed a lopsided smile.

"What?" he asked, and he suddenly he could see that she was having trouble breathing.

"There isn't going to be a baby." She stated quickly, and for Craig time came crashing to an abrupt and painful stop.

"What?" he asked again, trying to believe he had misunderstood what she had just said. Hillary's eyes were brimming with tears.

"I'm sorry, Craig. The baby is gone. Manny, she..."

"What did Manny do?" he screamed, and Hillary jumped. It was then they saw Manny standing down the hall a little. Her arms were full of the things she had collected from her locker, and her eyes were swimming with tears as well. Craig let go of Hillary and ran over to the girl in question. "Manny, what did you do to our baby?"

The anger in Craig's voice and stance were causing Manny to shake like a leaf. Even Hillary was getting nervous. Manny swallowed and then exhaled a shaky breath. Her voice was trembling.

"I'm so sorry, Craig." Was all she said, and quicker than any of them could blink he had taken hold of her wrist and forced her up against the lockers. Manny let out a silent scream as her back hit metal.

"No you didn't!" Craig screamed again, voice breaking. He shook the girl in his arms forcefully. "Say you didn't do it!"

"Ow! Craig, you're hurting me!" Manny cried, tears streaming down her cheeks forcefully. Craig was crying now too, body wracked with sobs even as he shook her.

"Craig, stop it!" Hillary spoke, trying to remain calm but totally panicking. Emma appeared then, having been drawn in by the loud yelling.

"What's going on?" she asked, hurrying down the hall to stand near Hillary on the opposite bank of lockers. Craig's hands were still firmly gripped around Manny's wrists as he continued to scream.

"Say it! Say it!" he sobbed. Manny was crying hard and struggling to get away, and Emma only looked on in horror. Finally Hillary could watch no longer, and moved across the hall to take Craig's arm.

"Craig, please..." she spoke, but it was as if he didn't hear her. She tugged on his arm a little, and he turned with a sweeping motion that caught her in the stomach. As she sailed back the way she came Craig had turned fully and his mouth moved as if he wanted to scream the word no. No sound came, only the thud of Hillary hitting the lockers. Her head landed against the metal and made a hollow sound. She sunk like a rock to the ground and lay, slumped there for several seconds before anyone moved.

Emma dropped to the floor and frantically rubbed her friend's arm. She wasn't moving, and as the seconds passed Emma grew more and more scared. Craig had released Manny, who still stood against the lockers. She had her hand over her mouth and she shook from the tears that made no sound. Craig dropped to his knees next to Hillary's motionless form.

"Hill, wake up. C'mon, Hill, _please_ wake up!" Emma cried, pleas becoming more and more urgent. Craig reached out a hand to touch Hillary's face.

"I didn't mean to..." he started, but Emma slapped his hand away.

"Don't _touch_ her!" she screamed. Craig fell back off his knees and scurried across the floor, horrified with what he had done. When he reached the opposite bank of lockers Manny moved as quickly as she could away from him. He watched as she rubbed her sore wrists and saw the fear in her eyes. He thought he would be sick.

"Manny, I'm sorry..." he started, but she just shook her head and backed further away. Craig's head was spinning and his stomach felt like it had been turned inside out. Here it was, his worst fear realized. He was becoming his father. He stood then and fled the building, stumbling down the stairs and pausing for just a moment outside the door to lose the contents of his lunch into the bushes.

He dragged a hand hard across his lips as he fumbled in his pocket for the keys. He finally found them and somehow made his way to the car, where he fell into the driver's seat. With a shaking hand he stuck the key into the ignition and without bothering with a seatbelt sped out of the parking lot with a grinding squeal.


	42. In which there is more arguing

**42.** In which there is more arguing

_I certainly wasn't mad at Craig. At least, not as mad as he thought I was. I knew it was an accident. I don't know if he knew that though_

_**What did I do, what did I do, what did I do...**_

Emma watched Craig's retreating form and could feel the tears welling up stronger and stronger. She knew if she started to cry again she would be useless. She looked up to Manny, who was still frozen. Her things were scattered around the hallway, and she was very obviously trembling.

"Manny." Emma said, and Manny could only shake her head. Emma sighed a motioned her over. "Manny, come sit with her. Try to get her to wake up. I'm going to go get help."

The demanding tone in Emma's voice was all it took, and immediately Manny was seated on the floor trying to revive the unconscious girl. Emma took off running down the hall, looking for anyone. Finally she turned the corner and saw Paige carrying some equipment out of the gym. She was still wearing her spirit squad uniform, and it was obvious she had been leading an evening practice. When she saw Emma turn the corner she flashed her a smile.

"Hey, Emma. You're here late." She said, and then noticed the stricken look on the other girl's face. Emma didn't say a word, just grabbed Paige's arm and pulled her in the direction of Hillary. "Geez, hon. Where's the fire?"

When they arrived back at the scene Paige gasped at the sight before her. Hillary was just coming around and Manny was helping her to sit up. Paige dropped the equipment and she and Emma were on the floor in an instant. Hillary was clutching her head when Paige grabbed her arm.

"She just came around." Manny spoke up, voice sounding stronger since she had calmed considerably. Paige was examining the burgeoning bump on Hillary head.

"What happened?" she asked, and Hillary shook her head. She immediately regretted it.

"It was an accident. He didn't mean to..." she began, but Paige was instantly livid. She had heard that line before.

"Who?" she growled, in a low voice Hillary had never heard before. She and Emma exchanged a look. In the end it was Manny who answered.

"Craig." She stated, face unreadable. Paige's hand was shaking on Hillary's arm.

"Craig did this?" she asked, and Hillary nodded slowly. Paige pulled her small backpack off her shoulders and retrieved her cell phone. She began punching in numbers angrily. Hillary immediately grew frightened and wrestled the phone from her grip.

"Who are you calling?" she cried as Paige struggle to retrieve the phone.

"The police. I'm not going to make the same mistake I made with Terri." She replied, finally pulling the phone from Hillary's desperate grasp.

"Paige, _don't_. It really was an accident; he turned around and knocked into me. Right Emma?" she pleaded, and Emma looked conflicted.

"Well, what he did to Hillary was an accident. That's true." She started, but then lowered her eyes to the floor. "But what he did to Manny wasn't."

"What did he do to Manny?" Paige asked, and Manny's eyes pleaded with Emma not to reveal their secret pain to anyone else. Emma just shook her head.

"It's a long story." Was all she said, and Paige rolled her eyes with a sigh. Finally she turned back to Hillary.

"Well, I'm at least calling your brother." She told her, and Hillary nodded as she lay back against the lockers. While Paige kept true to her word, Hillary gazed out down the hall and into the now dark sky. She wondered if Craig was okay.

* * *

Craig stumbled blindly through the front door of Joey's house, knocking over a nearby picture frame. It landed with a crash and shattered all over, but there was no accompanying shout or approaching footfalls. Craig was home alone. He guessed Joey and Angie were out somewhere, doing father-daughter things that families should do. The idea stuck him like a knife; a pointed reminder of his own lost child, the family that would never be. He kept the thought in the front of his mind as he broke the lock on Joey's liquor cabinet. 


	43. In which Craig finds the edge

**43.** In which Craig finds the edge

_Craig needs help, that much is clear. I firmly believe the emotional problems he's having now stem from his bastard of a father. I just hope I can find a way to help him. Before it's too late._

Hillary's brother had arrived right away and driven all four girls to the hospital. Hillary protested the entire way that she was fine, but they nevertheless ended up in the emergency room. Manny's mother arrived to pick her up and after several hours of waiting the nurse finally led Hillary to an exam room.

Within five minutes they were told it was only a mild concussion, and she was free to go home under the condition that someone wake her up every few hours that night. Ryan drove the three remaining girls back to their house on the hill, where they gathered in the kitchen. Hillary sat on one of the stools and leaned heavily on the counter island in front of her. Emma sat by her side, holding an ice pack to the back of Hillary's head. Paige was perched on the counter nearby. She had not stopped hovering over Hillary since she had regained consciousness. Ryan appeared from the other room, carrying a handful of Tylenol. He laid them on the counter and then moved to get a glass.

"Hill, you can't forgive him for this." Paige spoke up suddenly, and everyone stared at her. She shrugged. "You can't. That's how abusers like him operate."

Hillary sighed deeply as she picked up a few of the Tylenol off the table and popping them into her mouth. She accepted the glass of water her brother handed her and drank some.

"Paige, you don't understand. He's not like this... " she told them, and they all avoided her gaze. Finally she stared down into her cup. "He's not."

"Hill, I understand why you're defending him. He went through a lot today, I've never seen him like this either. But he needs help." Emma told her, and Hillary looked up.

"I _know_ he needs help. He's going to have serious emotional issues after this. He just needs help..." she trailed off, and Paige looked more confused.

"Okay, who wants to let me in on the big surprise here? I'm totally out of the loop." She complained, and Hillary just stared back down into her cup. Finally Emma heaved a sigh.

"Craig got Manny pregnant, when he was cheating on Ashley with her. He wanted to have the child, raise it. But last week she aborted it and didn't tell him. He freaked out, held her up against the locker and screamed at her." Emma explained quickly, and both Ryan and Paige looked slightly shocked.

"Okay, that's pretty traumatic. But all the more reason why you should get away from him. Hillary, I don't want to see you get hurt." Paige spoke, words cold but voice warm with compassion. She was only looking out for her friend. It seemed Craig had a habit of hurting people Paige cared about.

"Paige, please..." Hillary begged, but was interrupted by Ryan.

"I have to agree, Hill. I like Craig a lot but it sounds like the kid's got some issues. I don't want to see you get hurt, either, especially if he's becoming violent." He spoke, turning at the sound of a loud crunch outside. Car headlights were streaming through the kitchen curtain. Someone had just pulled into the driveway. The lights remained and they all listened to the sound of someone forcefully slamming a car door closed. They were silent for a moment longer before a scream pierced the quiet.

"Hillary!" was the tortured sound coming from the front lawn. They shared a quick look before Hillary took off out the door. Emma dropped the bag of ice ran after, and she was soon followed by both Paige and Ryan. The four of them jammed in the front doorway and looked out onto the scene in the yard.

Joey's car was parked sideways across the driveway. Their mailbox was lying down by the street and there was a hideous scratch down the side of the car where it had collided with the post. Craig was standing in front of the car, a silhouette backlit by the blinding high beams. He was still yelling and hurling stones at a random window. Hillary looked across the street to the houses. Several people were standing in their doorways as well, watching the commotion.

"Craig?!" Hillary called, making her way carefully towards him. It was beginning to rain lightly, and he was already wet. At the sound of her voice he turned, and a drunken smile slid across his face.

"There you are!" he cried happily, starting a half run half stumble towards her. He landed hard at her feet and she bent to help him up. He smelled strongly of a mixture of alcohols, most notably rum and vodka. Hillary quickly took in her broken mailbox and his smell and surmised that he was completely plastered.

"Craig, did you drive here?" she asked, panic lacing her voice as she shot a look back to the three others still clogging the doorway. He nodded largely, then moved to wrap his arms around her shoulders.

"I'm glad you're okay, I'm sorry I hurt you..." he slurred giddily. Hillary winced at pain his sudden contact had caused her. Craig noticed this and his face fell dramatically. She could see the tears appear suddenly in his eyes. His voice dropped to a whisper. "It was an accident."

It was beginning to rain harder, and he fell to his knees on the wet grass in front of her. He wrapped his arms desperately around her waist and started to cry. Hillary didn't know what to do. For a moment she just stroked his wet hair, but eventually reached down to pull him back up to his feet. His gaze was unfocused and it disturbed her.

"Hon, it's pouring. Let's go inside." She offered, tugging at his soaked sleeve plaintively. He pulled back against her urging.

"You know I didn't mean to hurt you, right?" he asked, desperation filling his voice. She nodded a little, but as if in opposition a voice came from behind her.

"Right, like you didn't _mean_ to hurt Manny?" Paige spat, and Hillary whipped around. They shared a glance and Paige shrugged. Classic Paige mouthing off, there was nothing anyone could do about it. Hillary turned back to Craig, who was already backing away.

"I _didn't _mean to!" he cried, a silent sob choking his words. Hillary began to follow his steps.

"Craig, hang on..." she said, but he just shook his head.

"You don't believe me, do you? Not really..." he whispered, jolted by the sudden contact he made with the front of the car.

"Craig, where are you going?" she asked, and he brought his hand up to his mouth to muffle the sobbing sound that was escaping. He was so far gone then, too far drunk to even listen to reason. Definitely too drunk to drive, if that was even a question. "You can't drive..."

He didn't say anything, just moved to open the door. Hillary grabbed his arm and tried to pull him back, but he was soaked and slipped from her cold fingers. He stared hard at her then, eyes finally focusing.

"I love you Hill." He spoke, pulling the door open.

"Ryan!" Hillary screamed, running forward as Craig fell into the front seat and slammed the door behind him. Ryan came bounding down the steps then, with Emma and Paige at his heels. Craig started the car with a sputter as Ryan arrived in the driveway. He tried to open the door and pull Craig out, but the door was stuck shut. The car rolled down the driveway then, plowing over the mailbox again and starting down the street. They watched as the car swerved towards the center line and into the path of an oncoming car. The girls all screamed as the other car pulled off to the side and honked loudly. Craig's vehicle continued and was soon out of sight. The four of them stood in the middle of the driveway, dumbstruck and pelted by rain.


	44. In which Craig falls off the edge

**44. **In which Craig falls off the edge

_**Weather is prophetic.**_

The rain was pounding hard on the windshield as Craig guided the rumbling car down the streets. Maybe guided was the wrong word. He was fairly certain the car was driving itself at that point, as his hands were barely touching the wheel. Even if he were to take control there would be nothing he could do; he couldn't even see the road. He wondered briefly if it was the rain or his eyesight that was making it so hard for him to see. He had been driving blind for almost a half hour, and had no idea where he was. In the end it didn't really matter, because his mind certainly wasn't on driving.

It played out over and over in his head: the look on Manny's face when he had grabbed her, the feeling like his heart would stop beating, the sound of Hillary hitting the lockers and the feel of Emma's hand slapping him when he bent to help her. The family he wanted so badly was gone forever... but what scared him more was his Jekyll and Hyde impersonation. He had never been that angry before, never been that out of control. In fact, there was only one person he had ever seen act as Craig did: Albert Manning.

Craig shuddered at the thought that his worst fear might be realized. They said that those who are abusers were often abused. He wondered if he would forever be caught in that vicious cycle.

Suddenly, headlights were shining through the windshield and Craig felt his hands instinctively fly to his face to shield himself from the imminent impact. Luckily, the crash never came. Slowly Craig lowered his hands from his face, bewildered and confused that the car was still moving. He only had a moment to wonder why before he heard a loud crunching noise and a loud bang. After that, everything was black.

* * *

**A/N – I realize this is a short chapter, but there's nothing to be done about it. The next three chapters will be up soon if it's any consolation. The delay was caused by a much needed break... if I had posted any sooner I might have killed off Craig...**


	45. In which Joey finally meets Craig's girl...

**45. **In which Joey finally meets Craig's girlfriend

_Speechless._

An hour and a half after Craig sped away from the Thomas house, Hillary found herself in a hospital waiting room with her brother on one side and Emma on the other. They had called the police after he left, and had received a subsequent phone call letting them know they had found Craig in the wreckage of a vehicle on highway 401. Paige had gone home and the remaining three rushed to the hospital.

It seemed, however, that information would be hard to come by. They weren't going to tell them anything about Craig's condition, and Hillary was beside herself. Emma was sure she was facing complete mental meltdown when Joey came plowing through the emergency room doors. He looked absolutely hellish, and as soon as he saw Emma his face grew pained. All three on the bench stood up, and Emma started talking immediately.

"Joey, they won't tell us anything!" she cried, and Joey laid a hand on her arm before moving to the reception desk. There was no one there, so he started banging loudly on the counter. He was dripping with frustration by the time a nurse appeared.

"My son Craig was in a car accident, he was brought here..." Joey spoke quickly, not even noticing that Emma and two strangers were hovering at his shoulder. The nurse nodded, and picked up a nearby clipboard.

"Craig Manning?" she asked, and all four of them nodded. She looked at the group oddly and put the chart back down. "Yes, he's fine. He was driving the wrong way on the 401, narrowly missed hitting a car and apparently swerved into the median. The car he missed called the highway patrol and..."

"He was _driving the wrong way on the 401?_" Joey asked, incredulous. Hillary and Emma gasped loudly, and he only turned to them for a fraction of a second before returning his attention to the nurse. She nodded again.

"Yes, he was very lucky. I was going slow, and made it out of it with a concussion and a broken arm, plus some scrapes and bruises. We set his arm and moved him across the street to the main body of the hospital..." she trailed off as Joey and the girls took off out the door. Ryan saw the need to disappear for a while and so went to get the car.

The unlikely trio of Joey, Emma, and Hillary hurried across the busy street and into the hospital. Joey repeated his earlier performance at reception and they were directed to the third floor. In the elevator on the way up Joey finally noticed the pair of girls trailing after him. He looked down at Emma quizzically.

"Em, what are you doing here? Can you tell me why Craig was going the wrong way on the 401?" he asked, and Emma looked to Hillary. Joey now looked at the smaller girl appraisingly.

"Craig needs help. I know you don't know me, Mr. Jeremiah. But you've got to trust me. He needs help." Hillary spoke, and Emma took her arm in an attempt to comfort her. Joey nodded.

"That much is obvious. Who are you?" he asked, and this time it was Emma who spoke up.

"This is Hillary. She's Craig's girlfriend." Emma stated. Joey looked at them both for a moment before stepping off the elevator and into the hallway. They could all see Craig on a bed in the room at the end of the hall, and Joey was about to take off running when a nurse stopped him dead in his tracks.

She was a heavier woman with blonde graying hair and close set blue eyes. She carried an air of quiet kindness and smiled grimly at the set of people who had poured out of the elevator. She held up a hand and Joey looked at her in a panic.

"Are you Mr. Jeremiah?" she asked, and Joey nodded. "Reception called and said you were on your way up. You can see Craig in a moment, but first there are some men here who need to ask you some questions."

From nowhere came two uniformed police officers, who also looked kind but serious. One of the men smiled at Joey and pulled out a notepad.

"Hi, Mr. Jeremiah. I'm Officer Ives and this is my partner Officer Bishop. We need to ask you a few questions about what happened tonight..." the taller of the two began, and Joey followed them a distance away towards a row of chairs. Both Emma and Hillary gaped at the officers, both knowing what the questions would be about. Craig was in serious trouble. Emma grabbed Hillary's arm and motioned her over towards Craig's room. She and Emma shared a glance before Emma gave her a quick hug and pushed her away.

"Go. Now!" she whispered, and Hillary flashed her a grateful smile as she took off for Craig's room. Emma watched her go, almost glad to remain in the hallway and try to occupy the nurse. Hillary and Craig needed to talk. In private.


	46. In which there is a strange turn of even...

**46.** In which there is a strange turn of events

_**I don't know how it came to this point. It seemed all along like things could go from bad to good in a second. I guess things can go from bad to worse just as fast.**_

Craig didn't remember hitting the median. He didn't remember the paramedics pulling him from Joey's totaled car, or the ride to the hospital. He vaguely recalled a doctor working on his arm, which was now set in a grim white cast. But now, sitting alone in a quiet hospital room with only the hum of machinery to keep him company he was all too aware of his surroundings. It seemed a kind of punishment to be left so alone with just his thoughts to occupy him.

Thoughts of his unborn child, thoughts of hurting Manny and Hillary, the idea of being an abuser... all of these swam around his head like a thick swarm. What was worse, the things that had happened or the things to come? He had wrecked Joey's car, driving while disgustingly drunk. He had almost hit someone on a major highway. The more he thought about it, the worse of an idea it seemed. Sudden comprehension washed over him as he realized he could easily have died. He could have killed someone else, someone's parent or someone's child.

The thoughts in his head were making him feel sick when suddenly someone burst through his door. He jumped a mile and felt his heart pound into his throat. Hillary was standing in the doorway, looking both wild and waterlogged. Ignoring the pain that radiated throughout his body he leapt off the bed and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly. After a moment he leaned down slowly.

"I'm sorry, Hill." He whispered, for what seemed like the 100th time that day. She pulled back and examined his wide brown eyes. Nodding a little she reached up and gently took his face, placing a kiss on his lips. When they parted again she took his hand and together they sat on the bed. There was silence before Craig finally spoke again, and this time his voice cracked a little. "Aren't you going to yell at me?"

When Hillary looked over at him she saw he looked like a child about to be hit. She shook her head sadly and wrapped her arms around him for another brief hug. His shoulders slowly relaxed and soon they were simply sitting and staring again.

"I'm not going to yell at you, Craig. We both know what you did was stupid, but yelling at you right now isn't going to change it. I'm just really glad you're okay, that no one got hurt." She told him, and he sighed.

"So you're not mad?" he asked, and she chuckled a little.

"No, honey. I'm absolutely furious." She told him, and his eyes fell to the floor again. She placed a hand on his, but didn't apologize. They were quiet for a moment more before he posed another question.

"Hillary, if I ask you something do you think you can answer me honestly?" he asked, and she didn't pause before nodding. He sighed deeply. "Do you think I'm turning into my father?"

Hillary was very quiet for a long time. He had been expecting her to throw her arms around him, crying out '_it could never happen!'_. If she had, he wouldn't have believed her. Instead she seemed frozen in concentration. Her eyes were thoughtful when she turned to him, as though she were choosing her words carefully.

"Don't ask me why, but I remember reading once that 95 percent of abusers were abused themselves." She said, and his chest fell a little. She took his uninjured arm. "But honestly, Craig... I believe in you. If you don't want to be like your father you won't be. You're not like that."

"Thanks." He replied simply, groaning a little as he shifted on the bed. Their eyes met again and Craig saw a laugh hiding just behind her frown. He batted his eyes a little, and that was all it took. She smiled a little kissed him again, then frowned as she realized what he had done.

"Craig, c'mon. Do you even realize what you've done here?" she asked, and he frowned too. She stood on the bed and moved away, examining one of the machines that beeped uselessly in the corner. Finally she turned to him and said forcefully, "I mean, you could have DIED!"

"I thought you weren't going to yell at me!" he cried back, and she laughed shortly. He watched as she turned to the window facing the hallway, the one Craig could not see out from his spot on the bed.

"I'm not. Trust me, hon, if I was yelling you'd know it." She told him, then motioned him over to stand beside her. "Come here, Craig. Look at this."

"What?" he asked, standing slowly with a low groan and making his way over to her. He looked out the room window and down the hall, where Joey was seated in a waiting room chair. He was flanked by two police officers, who were writing down his words carefully. The look on his face disturbed Craig. He had never seen his step-father look more disappointed. "Why is Joey talking to the police?"

"Because you're a minor Craig, and crashed while driving a car under the influence. That's bad, bad news." She told him, and he sighed.

"Really? You think I'm in big trouble?" he asked, and her mouth fell open. She turned to him, face laced with the utmost shock.

"Are you _serious_?" she screeched, and Craig stepped back a little.

"Okay, now you're yelling." He commented, watching her now as she moved to the bed and sat down hard.

"You're damn right I'm yelling! You're not dumb, Craig, and not nearly as stupid as the choices you make." She told him, and he stared at her with a shock of his own. Finally his eyes lowered to the linoleum and they both sighed. She stood again and move back towards him. Her voice was softer now, but the anger was still there. "I know things have been hard lately, harder than they should be. But that doesn't justify making stupid decisions!"

"I _know_!" he replied, pounding on the window frame and turning back to watch Joey being questioned. Hillary was quiet, as though choosing her words carefully.

"Craig... I think you need help." She told him, and he turned to her.

"Help?" he repeated. She nodded slowly, and he just shook his head. "Hill, I don't need help. I just need to get out of this hospital..."

"Craig!" she exclaimed, capturing his attention again. "Let's go over what happened today... you scared Manny half to death, knocked me unconscious. You got drunk, destroyed my parent's front yard. You totaled Joey's car driving the wrong way on a major highway!"

"I know, and I'm _sorry_!" he whispered, suddenly feeling teary again. She grabbed his good shoulder and took hold of his gaze.

"Don't be sorry. Get help." She pleaded, and he shook his head more vigorously. His ears were ringing, his hands were shaking, and his mouth was dry. He didn't know how much more of this he could take.

"Please, Hillary... don't. I don't want help, I don't need it. I just need to get out of this _room_!" his voice dropped again and he wrapped his arms around her. "I just need to be with you."

"I'm sorry then." She spoke, and he could hear the tears heavy in her voice. He pulled back suddenly and found her round blue-green eyes swimming with tears unshed.

"Sorry for what?" he asked, voice betraying both his confusion and panic. She stepped away, still holding back from crying. She put a hand to her lips and stepped away again, and he moved closer to her.

"If you won't get help... I can't be with you." she told him, and he rushed forward to capture her arm.

"What do you mean? Don't say that!" he cried, and she just shook her head again. Suddenly he felt his heart grow angry and he gripped her arm harder. "So that's it!? You're just going to leave me when I need you the most!? I thought you were my girlfriend... damn it, Hillary, I thought you were my _best_ friend!"

He was screaming now, and his grip was growing tighter by the moment. She tried to pull away but he was bigger than her. Finally her tears were released and began to fall in rivers down her flushed cheeks.

"Craig, _stop_! You're _hurting_ me!" she screamed, and suddenly he realized what he was doing. He released her arm and she stepped backwards, crashing into a metal tray before reaching the wall. She stood there a moment and they stared at each other, stunned. Craig walked slowly and dazedly over to the bed, where he sat down.

"Oh my god, Hillary. You're right." He spoke, and she wiped away her tears fiercely. He could feel his own eyes filling and again dropped his gaze to the tiled floor. "I do need help."

As soon as the words passed his lips the door swung open and Joey was in the doorway. He examined the scene, taking note of the emotional teenagers before him. Craig refused to meet his gaze, and Hillary looked even more frazzled than when he had first seen her in the elevator. He sighed deeply and ran a hand over his face.

"It's Hillary, right?" he asked, and she nodded. "Hillary, you should probably go home. It's very late, and the nurse outside is getting restless."

Hillary nodded a little, looking out the door to where Emma was trying but failing at keeping the heavy woman's attention. The look on Emma's face was frantic and hilarious, but Hillary didn't feel much like laughing. She gazed over to Craig, and realized he wasn't even going to say goodbye. She paused a moment in thought, then moved over to the bed. She used a hand to tilt up his chin and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

"I love ya, kid." She told him simply, and he just stared at her, wide eyed. She gave him a small smiled and walked past Joey out the door. Craig watched as she moved down the hall and away from his room. She grabbed Emma's arm and stepped into the elevator. The world seemed to move in slow motion as she stared back down the hall at him. The doors closed slowly, but still it was all too soon before she was gone.

**A/N – Holy update! Sorry I've been gone so long, guys. Professors have been eating my soul, and as finals approach my workload has been intense. One more chapter to go...**


	47. In which U2 sues the author

**_So heyyyyyyy… long time no see! Never ever thought I'd post again, mostly because looking back there were a ton of things I would have done better if I were to write this story again. I'll never touch it again, or write any of the two sequels I outlined, mostly because I don't watch Degrassi all that much any more, and write fiction as opposed to fanfic (mostly ;) )_**

**_Anyway, it seemed important to post one last, completely cheesy (we're swimming in velveeta here, kids) chapter to give a little closure, considering I wrote something like 40 chapters._**

**_I hope this means something to someone, though I'll try not to lose sleep over it. With that said… on with the chapter!_**

The next day Craig wasn't in school. Somehow word of the accident had gotten out, and everyone was talking. The halls of Degrassi buzzed with gossip, and everyone seemed to think Hillary had all the answers. As she walked to class that morning alone, the people around her grew quiet and stared, as though she had actually been physically involved in the accident. By the afternoon there wasn't a person in school who hadn't heard about the entire thing, and they all examined her with either sympathy or morbid curiosity.

By the end of the week he still wasn't in school, and Hillary hadn't been able to get a hold of anyone at Joey's house. At one point she had even called the hospital for information, but they had only given her a headache. When Friday rolled around Hillary was feeling desperate. After much prodding from Paige, Spinner finally pulled her aside.

"Hill, I know he didn't want you to know where he was… but Craig called me last night." He began, and Hillary felt her heart curl up in her chest like burning paper. He didn't want her to know?

"Is he okay?" she asked, voice cracking a little in an attempt to hide her churning emotions. Maybe she had been too harsh on him in the hospital.

"Yeah, he's doing better." Spin replied, and Paige moved in to wrap an arm around her friend.

"I knew you had to know, hon." Paige spoke, glaring at Spinner.

"Dude! I only know what he said, and he asked me not to tell!" Spinner cried, trying desperately to defend himself.

"Where is he?" Hillary asked, trying her hardest not to start crying in the middle of the hallway.

"Joey took him to a treatment center up in Saskatoon. They say he's got an anger problem that comes from living with his father all those years." Spinner explained, glaring back at Paige.

"He just didn't want you to worry, Hill, that's all it is. I'm sure he just didn't want you to think any less of him." Paige added, trying to soothe the rapidly disintegrating girl in her arms.

"He's pretty pissed about the whole thing, I know that much. He does NOT want to be there." Spin finished, but Hillary was already tuning out of the conversation and tuning into the self-deprecating conga line that danced through her brain at a constant tempo.

_This is all your fault. _She told herself._ You told him to leave and now he's left you. This is nothing but Karma, Hillary. You did it to him and now he's doing it to you. This is how it feels to be left behind without a word._

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It was the last day of classes before summer, and everyone was dying of boredom. Hillary sat in Honors English next to Ellie, who was doodling on the table. Ms. Kwan was droning on, struggling to squeeze in a final bit of knowledge about Moby Dick. It was a commotion in the hall that interrupted her, and she practically flew to the door to find out what was going on. Grabbing a passing student by the arm, she glared down at them.

"Uhm… people, on the roof. Guitar, I dunno." He stammered out, pulling himself free and continuing to run with the crowd. That was all it took to get everyone out of their seats and out the door, ignoring Kwan's promises of detention for all.

When she made it into the hall Hillary ran straight into Emma, who was also running. They smiled and took off together out the door. When they arrived in front of the school a huge crowd had gathered. Looking up, they were both shocked to see a band setting up on the roof of the school. Hillary could make out Marco and Jimmy, plus a pair that looked like Spinner and Craig.

"That one guy looks like Craig." Emma screamed over the roaring of the crowd, as if speaking Hillary's thoughts. She pointed up to the boy holding a guitar and standing by the ladder they used to get up to where they were. He tapped the mic and stepped up. The group launched onto their instruments, and Hillary immediately recognized the song. Her heart absolutely stopped as the boy with the guitar finally picked her out of the crowd and grinned at her, a smile she'd missed with every moment since it had gone away.

"Show me how you do that trick, the one that made me scream, she said. The one that made me laugh she said, and threw her arms around my neck. Show me how you do it and I promise you, I promise that I'll run away with you."

Craig was singing The Cure in front of the whole school, but for Hillary it was only for her.

"Hill, it is Craig!" Emma cried, grabbing her friend by the hand. Hillary could only stare.

"Spinning on that dizzy edge, I kissed her face and kissed her head, and dreamed of all the different ways I had to make her glow. 'Why are you so far away?' she said, 'Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you, that I'm in love with you?'"

Jimmy launched into a guitar solo, then, and Craig motioned for Hillary to climb up the ladder. She paused first and turned toward Emma.

"Em, is it just me or is this just about the cheesiest thing you've ever seen? Like one of those really awesome movies of the week?" Hillary asked, and Emma smiled.

"Exactly like that, lucky girl! Let's make it worse!" she replied, pulling her friend toward the ladder and following her up. When the two reached the top Jimmy's solo was over and Craig was close enough to touch. He paused for just a moment before turning and singing directly to Hillary.

"You're just like a dream, just like a dream." With that he put his guitar down and went to her. He stopped short, waiting to see if she had, in fact, forgiven him.

"Hi Craig." She managed, and his eyes were searching hers.

"Hillary, I…" She didn't wait for him to explain, just jumped straight into his arms and kissed him hard. He caught her, surprised, and paused just a moment before kissing her back with equal vigor. They continued that way until a laughing Jimmy nudged Craig and cleared his throat pointedly. The song finished with a flourish and the crowd that had gathered below cheered wildly. Sirens were wailing in the distance and a news crew was already setting up cameras on the lawn. Raditch was pacing on the lawn, screaming at teachers and gesturing wildly at the band on the roof.

"Guys, I'm starting to think we could get in trouble for this…" Jimmy finally spoke up, and the group surveyed the chaos below. Emma just shrugged her shoulders and walked over to Spinner, taking his drumsticks and motioning for him to move.

"You've come this far, might as well make a show of it. You know Alice Cooper?" she asked, tapping on one of the drums. Jimmy and Craig both smiled widely as Craig grabbed his guitar and handed it to Hillary. Emma slammed on the drums and Jimmy and Hillary started in, with Craig stepping up to the microphone.

"Schooooooool's… out… for… summer…" he sang, and the crowd began to sing along softly. "Schoooooool's… out… foreverrrrr…"

Even though there would be consequences, and there were still things to be discussed, there was nothing in the world Craig or Hillary wanted to do besides stand on that roof together with their friends. Maybe they'd get back together. Maybe they'd run into each other in ten years and have coffee, only to forget all over again why they never talked. Maybe they'd never speak again. But for three minutes, everything was perfect.


End file.
